Ben X Reader

Rant

I'm going to rant in my memos oooooookkkkaaay!  So my mother likes to but everyone apart affect any community like gays for example she says that they ALL shove things down people's throats and that our generation is all messed up and that her generation is like the best out of all of them and I just can't imagine having a mind set like hers if a trans person went up to and asked her to call them they/them she would totally ignore it they are not hurting you they are not messing with your life so why can't you except a simple request that doesn't affect you at all and she is trying to blame this on our generation but in reality some of her generation is apart of it too. She says that some parents just baby their kids and that's how we got messed up well then it would be the generation before us fault not ours and there is nothing wrong with our generation other than the fact we are more exciting then the last.  I also worry for Nathaniel and I because he is my sweet bean he likes pink and he seems like he would be gay in the future and I don't want him around people who are so small minded about that while I'm gone off to college and I worry for me because what if I feel more comfortable as a guy she wouldn't understand and she is literally one of my best friends she is my mom but if she doesn't accept me than I don't want to be around that it hurts me physically and mentally and I refuse to go through that and I don't want my bean to have to either.  I also want my children in the  future to be able to meet their grandma without me wanting to just leave.  She has always told me she would accept me as I was but that's a lie otherwise I would feel comfortable going up to her and saying hey I feel waaay more comfortable in jeans and a sweat shirt and a sports bra that hides my boobs but I can't I feel like I would be attacked by her saying " Your a kid you don't know what you want", "It's just a phase",  or "it's just the people and the social media ruining your mind" But that's not it,  it is me trying to feel comfortable in my own skin and say hey this is how I am I hope you still expect me and if you don't then it will kill me literally murder me on the inside that my mother the woman who raised me just will throw me aside and say your feelings don't matter they are irrelevant to how I feel and it will corrupt your brothers so I don't want you around.  I would leave with tears streaming down my face and not ever going to be able to have a great relationship ship with her ever again so mabye I'll tell her when I move out or maybe never who knows.  The only thing I'm sure of is that she won't accept it she I'll try to convince me otherwise and it won't work it will push me away further and further until I give up on trying to reason with her.  Also,  I think if she had never met Tim she would be more open minded and accepting of it but who knows mabye it a different reality. God that was long and I'm working on my next chapter it is almost done!  🦄 unicorn out!