GRIEVING. // falsettos

2

Whizzer
The funeral was over now, the rain still tickling down from the sky, like it was in mourning. Mourning for his lover. The busy streets of Manhattan to continued their normal habits.  I smile for a split second, allowing myself to feel happy, even just for a moment. In that moment, I thought of the good times, when Marvin would bring me tea in the bright mornings and kiss him sweetly. The way he would wrapped his arms around my waist and kiss my neck longingly.

I snap out of it when I felt a small splash of water soak the inside of my dress shoes.

Damn rain.

But my focus returned to the present. Why was the world so cruel? Right when Marvin finally changed, the world striped me of his affection.

Tears began rushing to my eyes once again.

I shake my head start to speed walk as fast as I could. People stared at me, their judgmental eyes tracing every inch of my figure. They judged my movements, my soaked clothes and my red, swollen, watery eyes. I'm breaking down, crashing, and everyone on the streets would witness it.

My feet dragged on and my eyes were dripping with tears. I had given up on not crying long ago, and was now sobbing to my to hearts content. My eyes stung from crying and my heart throbbed. I probably should have taken that ride home for Cordelia and Charlotte.

After a long while of walking, I approched my street. I saw the gloomy aftermath of the storm.  The gray clouds still brewed over us still, waiting to attack at moment. It left the sky dark, but the fresh scent of rain and the droplets of water on the flowers and plants.

My house was ten feet away now. I stopped in my tracks. Was I ready to face this? To face the terrible memories flooding that house?

Hell no.

I now stare at my front door. I hadn't been in this house for ages. It probably still smelt of Marvin, like sweet vanilla and campfire.

Whizzer fumbled with his keys, and unlocked the tan door. He pushed it open, the faint scent of Marvin filling his nose. Next, I saw Trina and Mendel sitting the living room. Jason was in the armchair, curling a strand of his hair with his finger.

"Hey! Whizzer!" He heard Cordelia call from the kitchen.

I stiffen, I'm not prepared for this! I want to ignore my invaders and I look around the tidy home. Everything was in its place as before. Marvin's coat hung over the couch shoulder, his keys still hanging in his pocket.

"Whizzer dear, Are you alright?" Trina asks meekly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "You seem a little...shaken." 

"I'm fine." I mutter and set myself down on the sofa.

Jason looks down, his solemn expression raising a few questions in my head. Was he okay after all this?  Losing one of your parents is hard.

Charlotte leans against the door way to the kitchen. Funny, she wasn't there before.

"Whiz, we all know your suffering, please talk to us." Charlotte sighs.

I shake my head, "No, I'm really okay. I just need time."

"Whizzer Andrew Brown, if Cordelia passed I would be devasted. You need-"

At at that moment, I snapped.

"First of all, I don't need any of your help! Second of all, Marvin-" that name tasted bitter in my mouth. "He isn't Cordeila and I'm not you!" I spat, standing up.

Mendel opened his mouth, "No-"

"This is exactly what I thought would happen. As soon as I saw Trina and Mendel sitting on this damn sofa, I knew that something bad would happen." Growling, I stormed off to my room.

I slammed my door shut. The atmosphere of the room alarming me. Polariods of Marvin and I were hung on the walls. There were scented candles flooding the room. They were set on the window seal, the nightstand, and each of our dressers. Rose petals scattered their bed.

What? Me and Marvin hadn't been here since he was admitted to the hospital, how did this happen?

I swear I was crazy, but there was a note taped to the bed. I forced back tears. I cautiously stepped towards the bed and snatched it off the comforter.

The note read;
'Happy anniversary!
Whizzer, you know I'm not very sentimental, but this is the only way I could express my love for you after I passed. I could not ask for a better person in my life. You have many imperfections, that is clear. But no matter what, I can't help loving you. You're funny, affectionate, passionate, and simply gorgeous. (I'm sure you know that already.)'

I tears rush to my face, this time they were happy. I giggled, for the first time in a few weeks.

'Whizzer, I wish I had the opportunity to see Jason grow up. Please keep an eye on him for me

Love, Marvin.'

I hold the note close to my chest. I looked up the polariods. The one that caught my eye was one of all of us. Cordelia, Charlotte, Trina, Mendel, Marvin, Me, and Jason. I eye Marvin and I,  and Jason at our side. We all were smiling brightly, Marvin had his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. My arm rested on Jason shoulders. We all looked like a perfectly arranged puzzle. Now, all us us looked like a broken picture frame that had shattered on the floor.

And I felt like someone had taken those broken pieces and shoved them deep into my chest, but not deep enough to kill me.

I looked over at my vanity. I looked like a broken record of the man I used to be.

Marvins death changed me, I would probably never be repaired.