friday
5:57 pm
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i sat in my bed thinking. thinking of everything to do with harvey. he absolutely hates me. there's no doubt about it. max even told me that my 'plan' wasn't working. yes, harvey was jealous, but he's not trying to fix our problems anymore. he's simply given up.
max and i 'fake broke up' because we were scared for both our sakes and harvey's. he wasn't acting right and it was too much pressure to bear. we're just bestfriends to everyone again, although that's all we ever were.
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school had been horrid this week considering i had harvey in most of my classes. he'd stayed as far away as possible. if i was at one end of the room, he was at the other. if i was in the back of the room, he was at the front.
ryan completely shut off our communication. i haven't talked to him in about two months. it sucks losing a friend because of a boy.
i shouldn't have doubted harvey. i shouldn't have called him a liar or said that he never cared because i knew in my heart he really does-or did.
i should've heard him out more than just that one day where i played sick just to avoid socializing. my mistakes seem like they can never be mended or show mercy on my life. it's funny how almost a year ago, i couldn't wish for anything more than what i had, but now it's gone, shattered right in front of me.
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i decided to get air. i needed it. i felt suffocated, like i can't breathe underneath all the clouds of despair encasing me.
i got up and threw a new pair of clothes on since i was still in my uniform. i wore harvey's sweatshirt which somehow still had a nip of his scent on it. it made me think of all the goodness in the world-wherever it was. i put on some tights and kept my hair down in wavy curls. i laced my black high-top vans onto my feet and grabbed my phone then headed out the door, first letting my mum know where i was going.
outside, i walked slowly to a place only i knew. well, harvey knew where it was too because he's the one who introduced me to it, but that's besides the point. he's probably forgotten all about it by now.
the place was a large swing by a lake. it'd been abandoned although it was originally made for everyone who wandered by. it was still in perfect condition, although not even i had been to it in months.
it was in the middle of a clearing in some woods behind harvey's neighborhood. i knew the place too well it seemed.
walking gave me a purpose. it seemed that as long as i walked, nothing could come in between me and my destination. it felt good.
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i walked with my eyes to the ground, thinking of every single thing. harvey mostly.
once i realized where i was, i looked up and saw none other than harvey mills on the swing
looking at the water. i quickly turned around and started walking away when a freaking twig snapped from under me. i stopped in my tracks and turned around to see harvey gazing at me intently.
"um..hi.." i said, utterly mad at the world. "hey," he said softly and patted the spot next to him. i walked over and sat a few minor inches away and sighed. "i'm sorry harvey. i just..i don't know what to do," i said, looking at the water.
"what do you mean? if you're here to apologize about max then don't. i overreacted. we aren't together. but it is kinda sad that you dated my twin.." he replied, also gazing out into the open, greyish colored water.
i shook my head. "that's the thing," i said, cliffhanging my words. he looked at me, most likely confused. "we never dated. it was all fake. i wanted to get you jealous, but it backfired and now i'm just stuck with these consequences," i finished, unable to look at him.
when i finally did, he was gaping a little. "you..you mean..this was all fake? like you don't even like him? what the heck?!" he said, getting up in annoyance.
"i know, i know. it was stupid and immature. i just can't believe i let you go. i should've heard you out and listened. i shouldn't have made accusations and jumped to conclusions. i just wanted you back, but i can't seem to fix anything harvey!" i said back, fighting a little.
"you know, i never stopped trying for you until his whole thing with max happened ella. never. and i still won't because i'm still in love with you," he said, annoyed at himself for admitting it.
i stood up in front of him and grabbed both of his hands. "harvey! don't you see? i. love. you." i said, my tone raising a little. he looked at me for a split second then kissed me.
i didn't push away. i didn't hate it. instead, i deepened it. i enjoyed it. i held onto him for as long as possible. i love harvey mills. it's true, it's always been true, and always will be true.
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hey bbys! i just wanted to let you guys know that my dms are always open if you need something or wanna talk. also, if you have a few suggestions for what you guys want then hit. me. up. love you!💗
