See My Tears.

Ch 19: Doing it for me.

I woke up to the sound of a blender. I rubbed my eyes and sat up, forgetting where I was for a second. Unfortunately, it all came flooding back to me. I looked to the kitchen, where Sherry was making a smoothie of some type. She smiled, "Good afternoon."

"You, too," I yawned, looking to the clock. I was after one and I felt disgusting. "Um, do you mind if I.."

"The bathroom is down the hall, straight ahead. There are new towels under the sink."

This girl was a life saver. I grabbed my bags and headed to the bathroom. I tried to scrub off everything from the six month prior, but despite the fruity soap and steaming water, I could still feel Kels lips on my skin. I could still feel the circles he'd trace on my back. No matter how much shampoo I used, the feeling of him combing out tangles with his fingers when I straightened it wouldn't go away.

After a fail attempt at erasing my past, I stepped out of the shower and turned on the fan to get the steam out. I brushed through my curly hair, put on a t-shirt and shorts, and brushed my teeth. I realized I didn't even bring makeup, not that it really mattered. That was the least of my worries.

When I went back into the living room, Sherry was drinking her smoothie and watching TV. She nodded, "I left enough for you if you want some."

I took her offer and sat down beside her. She turned off the television and sat criss cross on the couch, facing me. "Spill it."

"Hm?" I asked, already gulping down the smoothie. I didn't know what it was but I wanted a gallon of it. I looked down at myself, "I didn't spill it."

"No, you dork," She laughed. "Your story. Why were you camped outside of a strip club last night?"

"Oh, I don't.."

"I let you sleep on my couch and all I know about you is that your name is Holly," She reminded me. "You owe me an explanation."

I couldn't argue with that. I told her the basics, trying to keep the details to a minimum. I'm sure she didn't really want to know some of the stuff I did tell her, and I left a lot out. I finished with, "So here I am. Pregnant, homeless, jobless, and a dropout."

"You're not a drop out, technically," Sherry told me. "You could enroll in another school. You're eighteen, you don't need a parent to do anything now." I nodded and she looked me over, "You need a job?"

"Oh, I don't strip," I said, and it came out a lot more rude sounding than I meant it. "I mean, I--"

"It's fine, it's not for everyone," She laughed. "What do you do?"

"I sing," I shrugged, not thinking that would really get me anywhere in a strip club.

"I can work with that."

My heart started beating a mile a minute. "You can?"

"Sure, and when that belly of yours starts getting bigger, I'll put you behind the counter and you can bar tend." She nodded. "Unless you're not keeping it?"

"No, I am, I don't think I could get rid of it."

"Understandable," She nodded. "So where do you plan on living?"

"Ah.."

"That's what I thought," She sighed. "Okay, get your bags, come on." She led me to her bedroom, and above her bed she had a loft. It was only four or five feet tall, but there was a mattress and a side table. "I used to have a roommate, but I kicked her out. She didn't like to pay rent. I don't really need one now that I'm manager, but you do."

I put my bags down and Sherry went go grab a pillow and some blankets from a hall closet. I laid face down on the bed, letting out a sigh into the bare mattress. I just wanted to turn the clock back seven months ago and never get involved with Kels. We'd all be better off.

I took another nap while Sherry went downstairs to get things ready for when they opened. She said she'd wake me up when I needed to get ready, which she did. She brought me down just in time to meet everyone. My little mirror, full with makeup, was between two other girls. Their names were Cinnamon and Brandy (or least that's what they told me), and they were surprisingly nice.

"By the way, during business hours, I go by Salem," Sherry told me. "You're gonna need a cover up name, too. Some of these guys  get clingy and you don't want them knowing your real name."

"I have no idea," I shrugged. I wasn't good under pressure, so I just spit off the first drug I thought off. "Ecstacy?"

"Cute," Sherry laughed. "Alright, get dressed girl, show Ecstasy to wardrobe."

She walked off to do whatever, and the rest of the girls took it upon themselves to make me strip-club worthy. By that, I mean I was stuffed into a tight orange dress that made my boobs and ass look ten times bigger, white stockings that hiked up to my thighs, and matching orange stilettos. Next, they put more makeup on me than I'd ever worn and ever planned on wearing. Then again, I looked insanely hot and it was a giant self esteem boost.

The first set of girls filed out and I went with them. They got situated on their poles and warmed up while I found Sherry. I was getting nervous. "What do I do?"

"You write down a list of songs you're gonna sing and give them to our DJ, who will put on instrumentals of each and you'll sing along. I dance on the main pole, and you walk around on it and sing. You'll sing one song every fifteen minutes, so you need about twenty four songs. The rest of the time, you wait tables. Cool?"

"Cool," I nodded, heading over to the DJ. He handed me a piece of paper and I scribbled down my setlist quickly. I wrote down every song I knew by Ke$ha, Miley Cyrus, Breathe Carolina, Sleeping With Sirens, Paramore, and Gwen Stifani. Then I grabbed a mic and got on stage.

It was nine o'clock, and when we opened, men were already lined up at the door. they all poured in and took their seats as the place boomed with strobe lights and music. Everyone was already dancing on their poles and serving drinks by the time the first song the DJ played ended. He waved for me to get on stage and the music to Black Out by Breathe Carolina started to play.

I walked up behind Sherry, (or Salem, whatever) who was already doing her thing. I was nervous at first, because Kels had always been around when I sang. Then I thought, fuck him, he got me in this situation in the first place. So instead of singing for him, I sang for me, and it was the best thing I'd ever done. I felt amazing.

The first time I started waiting on tables, two guys grabbed my ass. There was a sign that clearly said, Don't Touch The Girls. The third time, Sherry saw. She actually got off the pole, took the guys drink, and splashed it in his face. "You wanna stay? Say sorry."

"You're kidding, right?" He scoffed, rubbing the vodka out of his eyes.

She crossed her arms, "Do I look like I'm kidding?"

The guy rolled his eyes and sat back down, huffing an apology. I looked to Sherry and nodded her a thank you, then let her get back to hat she was doing. I was actually exhausted around midnight.

The girls each worked two half hour shifts, and Sherry got up on her pole every hour for a half hour. She was crazy sweaty when she was done, but she was also loaded with cash. He bra and shorts were loaded, that is.

By three, I was ready to collapse. The heels were killing me and my throat was sore and I was exhausted. When all the girls left, we changed into our comfy clothes and I helped Sherry clean and lock up. When we got upstairs, we both took showers. After that, I let myself sink into my mattress.

"You tired?" Sherry asked quietly.

"You don't even know," I replied groggily.

"Oh, believe me," She chuckled. "I do."