By:Fayedamon
Dedicated to:Psychotic_elitexx
Everybody knows I'm not into love and affection. Everybody knows I'm totally nescient about love, co'z love It's just too risky and painful.
Happiness first and pain afterwards.
Everynight I've dreamed about the guy who's back is facing me while holding a flowers.The mysterious guy glowing with light and walking away from me.
One day, I just found myself attractive to him,which seems a question to me. My mind is asking for an answers,
but my heart keeps shouting and
beating whenever he's nigh and around.
Days turns to months till my confuse mind agree's with my heart. Any girl would dumfounded with this kind of feeling. As I keep thinking about it,I'm still can't believe it.
Rather than blurting it, I just conserve it by myself. Keeping it in my mind and chained it with a cage of sorrow and agony.That way, My heart beats freely with the pump of my too much affection.
Fate just to playful and sinful. Being played with the time and unexpected person, It's just like flowing in a lake with surrounds of sharp rocks that create a cuts in my skin.
Everytime your with her, my heart is hitting with big waves.
Everytime I push you with another girl, my heart is being pierced with thorns. And Everytime your smiling ang laughing with her want's me to tweak her hair and body.
All of them say's they look good and perfect as a couple. I just watch them and act like nothing. Anyways,Who I am to compare with her? From the eyes of them I have no to compare.
When your having time with her,
Sharing thoughts and pouring jokes,
can't help but wanting to replace her place. Wanna know how does it feel to be on your side, listening to all your
statements.Wanna know how does it feel to laugh with your jokes while your eyes gazing me without blinking.
Three years had passed,I change my self for you but I guess It wasn't enough to notice me with something admiration, for some reason your still longing for her attention whom I'm Asking to have for. Longing that someday your eyes would only directed on me.
She can read a lot of books,I can read a lot too.She can got a highest score in class, I can have more than a highest score. She can sing like talking,I can sing beautifully and marvelously, I can even compose a song for you. She can dance correctly, I can dance skillfully and even in choreography.
God gaves me a wonderful talent and uniqueness but It wasn't enough to make him fall for me.
Everynight I wanted to flog myself
for being such a foolishly in love with you. I wanted to hate myself for being crazy about you to the point that I was dreaming your arms is engulfing me with your heat embracing me while we were sitting in a white sand beach.
I wanted to hate you but I just found my self uttering 'I love you'.I wanted to hate you but my words from my heart is too damn plenty to even count it down.
Through posting status in media,
I can show off to the world, how does it feel to be hurt with someone who don't know that your already hurting because of him. I can show off to the world how miserable I am. I can show off to the world that I should be love by you but the truth is just painful, You even commented in my latest post
asking of why I'm extremely sad but I just reply 'It's not your care anymore'
One time, we had a conversation,we talked about my ideal type guy,
I answered you with the guy who's course has five course in college whom I just want to inform you that your the guy I was reaching to.Yet you'd just acting like you didn't know.
My heart that time want's to explode.
My heart twisted like a rope and being squeeze like a lemon.
Realization hits me that hiding your feelings towards is just too exhaustive My heart is already aching from bleeding.Through looking upon the twinkling stars upon the dark sky that matches my sentient,which gleaming repeatedly between bright and faint,
Feeling weak when it comes to you, feeling strong to say the rightful words but in the very end,I just swallow them in my throat.
Liquid drops dampened my cheeks.
I touch them with my shaking hands and found out that I'm crying silently.
How I wish I can say it you,the words that I wanted to tell you. How I wish you feel the same way .How I wish you can wipe my tears with your rough thumb and let out a kiss on my forehead ,whispering that I should stop crying and just bury my self on you.
Maybe I just store it with a bottle that preserve my words and feelings until My heart and hair gets older.In that way I can say that I still valued my love for you.You should be greatful there's someone loving you where her heart is wounded with the pain of knives, But I just can't say it to you.....
"Not this day nor tomorrow in another days or months,but soon I can make it though,I'm gonna be fine."
I wisperedv.I close my eyes and tears falling in my pillow. Ascertaining how pity, shame, and disgrace I am, for
loving you secretly and let myself trapped in pathetic part.
~Roxetteyes
