Empty Words

:4:

Love. I would pretend I know what I want to talk about with this word, but I don't. There are so many aspects to this complex word. But the way I loved him, I don't even know. Maybe at some times I thought I liked him in a crush sense. Maybe I was sure at some times, but, I guess the way I wanna go with this word is not in that way.

He, the spec of light in my world, did not get the love he deserved. He lived too short of a life because he didn't feel loved. Now I can't feel it either, for he took that meaning away from me. It seems this word was also consumed in darkness, the darkness when he turned his switch off.

Do I talk about him turning off his light switch too much for you? Does it get annoying? Well, it gets more annoying for me. I have to think about it constantly, and I don't want to directly say what he did. We all know what he did, some of us choose to ignore it. I don't ignore it, I couldn't even if I tried. I just don't want to come to terms with the word. So, he turned off his switch. It remains at that. 

Do you feel love? Do you feel that connection pulling you towards someone else? I felt that with him. In more ways than one, but the thing that mattered the most was I felt the connection. I felt so drawn to him, and I would think about him seeing many things. I can't explain the bliss, you have to feel it yourself. I just wanted to see him constantly, but I couldn't be bothered enough to show him how clingy I was. He told me I was a great friend, better than his best friend. I could say the same to him, in fact, I do say the same about him. I wish what we had, as a friendship, could've been stronger. But maybe it would hurt more to lose him. But now I have regretted not loving him enough while he was here. 

I hate the word love now because I can't comprehend it. I could never explain it, but now I don't even know what it means. It means nothing now, which is my point. Love feels more empty than this glass I hold with no beverage. 

Metaphors, you know what those are, right? I don't understand them anymore. I can't tell if the abyss, light, and glass without beverage I talk about are real or just a figure of speech. I've been trying to figure out what is correct and what is wrong, what is real and what is a figment of my imagination. Do you understand yet? 

I feel like I am going insane. A perseverance of beaming rays of light is gone. Gone. No longer. Maybe he left a little meaning for that word, gone. The abyss is like the word gone, because with the abyss he was gone. Overtime he will be forgotten. It will be a sad topic for ages, but someday no one will know who he was. Someday he will never be known. He doesn't get headline news, because he turned off his own light. To the newspapers and TV, turning it off yourself doesn't matter. Doesn't that bother anyone else? Why do they only care about murders? Why does one death matter more than another?

Those people can't even show love for him when he's dead? Pathetic humans. That's what we all are. We live, then we die. Simple as that. Or at least I wish it was as simple as that. We all go through hard times and challenges, but why? We make it this way for ourselves, do we not? Humans created things such as exams, interviews, right vs. wrong. I'm not wrong, unless everything I write is crazy and I am out of my mind. 

WHY COULD I NOT LOVE HIM PROPERLY BEFORE HIS LIGHT BURNED? WHY?

What feeling does love bring? Not explainable. Not in a million years would there be an adjective for that word. Love brings joy, but also sadness. A good balance, but sometimes it tears you apart like an author's messed up first prototype. I hate love, because I find no comfort in what my mind can't comprehend. Understand? 

Lovelovelovelovelove, but after so much of it, the word becomes empty like the rest.

There's only one voided word left:

Death.