happy girl

grey

WARNING: This is a much more realistic and darker take on Girl Meets World, so be aware of the dark themes that may pop up. If you're expecting a peppy Riley and all that cute fluffy friendship crap, I suggest not reading this.
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"You're just too much."

An odd sort of ringing began in Riley's ear, drumming loudly throughout her brain and she wondered distantly if she was having an aneurism. She absently reached for her head and realized that she was in fact, not having one.

Ah, but the harsh words Lucas had spewed to her had certainly made it feel that way. She was clueless as to what to say to him, but he quickly left. Riley felt a sense of cold dread fill inside her, and it wasn't the sort of things she felt when she was pushed away by friends and family, or looked down on by everyone. It was different, more raw and painful and as she shut her locker door and grabbed her things she understood it clearly.

It was the feeling of reality.

Reality had finally made itself known and she didn't like it. All the things she had been ignoring resurfaced from the ocean of pain she called her heart and slapped her in the face.

Riley steadied herself and took a deep breath. She ignored the maddening thoughts in her head and ran out the school, not worried that there was still twenty minutes left of classes. No one would notice anyway. No one ever did.

New York was crisp and cool, a contrast as to how everyone in New York looked, always rushed and stressed. Riley walked to the subway station and hurried to find a seat before someone else did. She managed a spot next to an older woman and plugged in her headphones.

The music and noisy activity did nothing to relinquish her thoughts, however.

Lucas had called her too much. Too much of what? Too much of being this persona that everyone else but her seemed to have sculpted? It was exhausting to be so bright and cheery when she just wanted to be less colorful and more grey. But that would lead to distress among her friends and inevitably, "Oh, Riley this isn't you!" or the annoying, "Stop being so sad, Riles, you have it all!" Of course. She had a family who rarely saw her as who she was and wanted to live through her, friends who only liked her a certain way, a boy who was unfairly stringing her along, and a empty feeling in her chest that was not placed by her.

Yes, she definitely had it all.

That wasn't to say she wasn't grateful, as she often times felt guilty for thinking this way and blaming others. But was it so wrong to think of herself for once? Why was it selfish when she did it and not Maya? Oh, because Maya had a bad life. End of story. Riley sometimes resented her best friend for having so much support all just because she grew up without a father. Painful, yes, but she knew Maya would've been better off without him.

Riley huffed in slight anger and glared at her girly lock screen on her phone. It was peppered with rainbows and unicorns, just as anyone would expect from Smiley Riley.

She hated it.

She hated everything about that damned Smiley Riley persona. Always seeing the best in people, always smiling, extra friendly and full of fucking sparkles.

Riley even dressed accordingly, wearing whatever Maya thought suited her and wearing whatever might please her friends. Because that's all she was, a dog eager to please.

As the subway screeched to a stop and people started shoving each other to get out, amidst the chaos, something cracked in Riley.

Something shattered and fell to the floor and she knew. She was done. The glass of insecurities and anguish was broken and done.