Amalgamation

CHAPTER FOUR

"Thank God it's the weekend," I groan as I slip even further down into the steam and bubbles that envelop me.

After the week that I've had a nice hot bubble bath is just what I've needed. Actually, after yesterday's incident, a cocktail would have been nice too, in all honesty. I'm still a little hurt that Suga's opinion of me is so low that he could truly believe I'd kick someone to the curb without good reason. Not that I'm angry about it, just hurt.

I can't really fault him for it either, despite my hurt feelings. I'm all too aware that he probably hasn't had the best experiences with humans. I sigh once more, falling deeper into my thoughts. It's difficult to help him when I don't know how. And it's difficult to know how when I don't know exactly why he is the way he is.

I pay my rapidly pruning digits no mind as I shift, leaning back to allow my head to rest on the edge of my claw toed tub. I refuse to give up on him. It would be altogether too easy, giving up, but it simply isn't in my nature. Once more I vow to myself to help this man, at all costs.

Filled with new determination, I rise from the tub. The water has become lukewarm anyway. I step out before leaning over to drain the tub, the sound of the drain and the water meeting the floor drowning out all else. That might be why I don't hear the door open, but I certainly hear it slam shut.

I stand, ramrod in an instant. There's only one person that could have opened the door. The one person I've been avoiding since yesterday. I blush as I realize that Suga just got an eyeful of my pasty ass. I am quick to dry off, and even quicker to get dressed. Each second that I remain in the nude feels as if I am exposed.

"Come on Hazel, it's not like he's never seen an ass before," I reprimand myself silently.

It's silly to get so worked up over an accident. With Suga being as attractive as he is I'm certain that he's seen plenty of the female body. Or maybe even the male body. But wait, what if he was sexually abused?

"Oh my God!" I shriek internally.

What if I just accidentally triggered something painful for him? I frantically rush to the bathroom door, eager to deliver my heartfelt apology. There isn't any way I could have known he was leaning against the door. so when I shove the door open, one very red cat eared hybrid gets sent flying. I can see the shock on his face as he stumbles slightly near the end of his flight before gracefully catching his footing. I am ridiculously jealous of just how nimble he is.

He scowls at me, fixing me with a virulent glare once he is still, cheeks still a rather appealing shade of rouge. All of the courage within me drains at the sight, apology nearly dying on my tongue. But I somehow manage to stutter one out.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to give you an eyeful!" I squeak.

His gaze doesn't soften in the slightest. If anything it seems to grow only more intense as he stalks towards me with all of the grace and poise a cat of prey might possess. I can't help but feel like a deer caught within the hunter's gaze as I slowly back away, attempting to put some distance between us. He only continues to slink forward, quickly shrinking the space betwixt us as I effectively trap myself into a corner.

My back connects with the wall and the look of smug triumph upon his face as I realize I have nowhere left to run has me instantly hot, the adrenaline pumping through my veins only intensifies the effect.

"I think you're not sorry at all," he asserts huskily.

He is now standing maybe an inch away from my person, a fact that my skin is keenly aware of. I can feel the sparks as they dance across my flesh leaving goosebumps in their wake. Why am I filled with the sudden desire to feel his skin upon mine?

"In fact, your desire for me is fairly obvious," he says, tongue darting out to moisten his lips. I groan. I never knew just how attractive that particular appendage could be.

Even in the daze that he has placed me in, I feel the way he stiffens against me. I am lost in a swirling sea of confusion as he rips himself away from me. Although his blush is deepening he has left me with no anchor, casting me adrift with his sudden departure. 

I don't even have mind enough left to feel embarrassment as my arms automatically reach out for his own. But the spell is broken as the haze is pierced by Suga's sharp, derogatory words.

"You didn't think I could actually like you did you?" He is almost sneering, and honestly, I wish that he would commit fully to that sneer. Because the way that his face lights up with amusement makes me feel tiny and insignificant.

But I refuse to cry. No. Instead, I stand stiffly, with my arms at my sides, fists clenched in anger. My temper has now reached exploding levels, fuse lit by his cruel words. What's so bad about me? I'm a good person! And why would he play such a cruel joke? For a moment I'd almost lost all sense of self, and the idea frightened me. And yet it enraged me at the very same time.

"You are a narcissistic asshole!" I yell, hands raising to latch themselves into my hair. "All I've ever tried to do is help you!"

I immediately regret losing my temper. Suga's face pales considerably, all color draining from him at the raised tone of my voice. His posture is suddenly rigid. I can't seem to find my voice as I mentally berate myself for my outburst. I try, for only a moment, to apologize. But no words will come out, so instead, I walk away. No. Honestly, I run. I flee down the stairs with all of the panicked grace of a bumbling panda.

I don't even know why I am the one crying, and yet the tears won't stop. They blind me as I yank open the front door and escape into the night air. The wind chills my face as I dash down the stairs to my apartment before booking it to the street.

Once there, my pace slows. As I walk down the street it begins to rain, and though I normally love the rain I can't help but feel as if the universe is mocking me at this moment. Here I am, walking down the street in my pajamas in the freezing cold and wet.

Even so, I am not ready to return. I am enraged and humiliated, and utterly crushed. And maybe its been a long time coming, but the tears still refuse to stop. Before I know it I'm crying about Suga and Jin, and even Kookie and his situation.

As the tears begin to slow my stress begins to rise. How much longer will we be able to keep helping Kookie? Despite my personal attachment to the boy, I know that his propensity for resolving to violence is one that will cause us to have to kick him out. I imagine that Jin is probably already thinking about it. 

With a start, I realize that I have stumbled all the way to Haven's Place. I collapse upon the front step, the world suddenly spinning viciously. I am aware of a hand catching my head, halting my descent, and I faintly hear a familiar voice screaming in panic as I slip into the land of dreams.