Amalgamation

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

My hands are shaking as I pick up the phone. I can't believe I'm actually about to do this. Sighing, I run one trembling hand through my hair as the other lifts the cell phone to my ear.

It only rings once before the recipient picks up the call, leaving me no time to steel myself.

"Hazel! What's wrong?" Jin answers quickly.

A little too quickly if I'm being candid.

"I'm sorry, " I tell him slowly, considering my next words carefully. "I wouldn't bother you but Suga's in a lot of pain and I have no one else to turn to in regards to this."

I hear his grunt through the phone. I know he isn't pleased, but my pride is inconsequential right now.

"Please, Jin. He's going through heat and he keeps sending me all these messages about how much pain he's in..." I mutter softly. It's nearly poisonous to know that I need Jin's help. "I know that there has to be something I can do but he's demanded that I stay away from him."

Jin sighs on the other end of the line. I'm sure he's nonplussed, but I also know Jin won't allow Suga to continue suffering if he can help. Though what that help will cost me...

I pause in my attempts to scrub my hotel room's sink, growing alarmingly nauseous with each new breath that I take. "Please Jin, " I beg.

"I'll write him a prescription, " Jin mutters. "It'll help him keep a clear mind and help with the pain."

"Thank you Jin," I reply.

I sigh in relief, hanging up the phone with considerably less shaky hands. The sink is going to have to wait, I decide, placing my phone snugly in my back pocket and grabbing the keys to Granny's old station wagon. Actually, I suppose it's mine now.

Kookie is passed out on his bed, sleeping more peacefully than any man has a right to. It's probably better if I don't disturb him. Luckily the Extended Stay hotel had given us two keys upon check-in. I'll just leave a note for Kookie, telling him where I've gone.

So, after jotting down a quick explanation and instructions in how to heat tonight's dinner, I dash out the door as quietly as possible. The door creaks ever so slightly, but I am relieved to find that it doesn't disturb Kookie in the slightest.

The drive to Haven's Place seems so much longer than the walk to work ever was. Although to be fair, I live a bit farther away now than I used to. It's almost as if the universe is telling me to reconsider my choice in seeking this help for Suga.

I run into just about every red light in the city of Seattle.

There's no way I could have prepared myself for how painful it is to see Haven's Place again. The building that once held so much joy and pride now looms over me like some kind of omen. I sigh, hands now shaking once more.

But, against all odds, I manage to pull the door open, even with my trembling hands. I feel like all of the life has been sapped out of me the second I step through the door.

Forget how long it took me to get here, the walk to Seokjin's office seems to take an eternity in my mind. And once I do reach the heavy oak door with his name emblazoned upon it, I'm almost tempted to turn around and leave. Suga has survived multiple heats without medication before right?

But isn't it my duty to take care of him?

I sigh, realizing that I can't in good conscience leave him alone as he is. It only takes a couple of moments to steel myself, and then I am turning the knob. The door creaks as the hinges, long neglected and sorely in need of maintenance, protest under the weight of the action I have forced upon it.

Jin sits at his desk, much as he always has. I have so many memories of him and that desk. It's a sturdy piece, as is the chair. Leather and wood, it's all so very Jin. Solid, and dependable to a fault. I remember how the weight of it all once made him so proud.

But now, seeing him like this...

The weight of everything seems to be suffocating him now. There are deep bags beneath his once bright eyes, and the weight of the world seems to be resting upon his shoulders. The resulting slump in his very demeanor leaves me entirely speechless.

"Here, " he tells me, looking at me with those dull eyes. "The prescription you wanted for Suga. Although I think it'll be best if you send someone to give it to him in your place. He's not likely in a good state of mind right now."

I shake my head. "There isn't anyone else to give it to him. He doesn't trust easily, he wouldn't take it if anyone else showed up with it. It has to be me."

Jin sighs in irritation. "Then maybe you should just let the bastard suffer."

"Jin!" I exclaim, shocked by his venomous words.

"I know, " he sighs wearily. "Just please try to be careful."

He fixes me with a broken and half hearted kind of smile and I try my best to smile in return.

"I will. Thank you Jin. For everything."