Labels Don't Define Me

3

'Confessing childhood secrets of dressing up in women's clothes, compulsions you never knew the reason to'

At the end of the day, PJ and I leave the school. We walk and chat aimlessly. As we get to the corner, we see someone standing there. It was that new kid, Phil. I feel a rush of anxiety. I still haven't given him my name or spoken to him, but PJ seems to like him.

'Hey,' he grins at us, 'watcha up to?'

PJ grins back, 'Gonna go racking because who the fuck has money and then we're going to the park. Wanna come?'

'PJ!' I glare at him. He had just told Phil that we're gonna go steal food and then asked him to come along!
But PJ just laughs, 'It's okay, he seems cool.' I cast a worried at Phil who just nods. 'So are you gonna tell me your name or not?'

I sigh, 'I'm [Dan]. Don't ask about rollcall.' I know I'm probably being more harsh than he deserves, but I just need to keep my guard up.

We begin to walk in silence, PJ occasionally tries to force a conversation but fails. As we arrive at the underground carpark of the shopping centre, PJ starts to give orders.

'Okay Dan, you're on drinks. I'll go gum and other small things as I have my backpack today and Phil, you're on crisps. Are you okay with that?' Phil laughs, 'For sure.'

I make my own way to the drinks ile

What does Phil like?

I grab him an iced tea and hope it'll do. I sigh. I'm not used to having anyone other than PJ around, but he had been talking about us needing someone else before we drive each other insane. I agree. But I also like being alone with PJ.

I duck out of the shop after getting our drinks and a few extra things. PJ and Phil are no where to be seen, so I start heading the park. I put in my earphones and breathe in the cool mountain air. My mind starts to wander off, thinking about why Phil and PJ are taking so long.

Stupid, they just don't want me there. PJ finally has a friend who actually talks and isn't a fag.
Fuck this.

I feel a sudden pang of jealously and hate towards Phil, PJ is MY best friend. Just as I start to reach into my bag, I feel a light tap on my shoulder. It's PJ. I take my earphones out and look at him, he looks concerned.

'We agreed to meet back at the carpark bud. But you didn't show.'

I mentally kick myself. 'Oh fuck. Sorry. I forgot and started walking to the park.' I look at Phil and blush in anger, I don't want to look stupid infront of someone new. But he doesn't look annoyed or anything, he seems content. I sigh. 'Well let's go to the park dummies.'

Once we reach the park, we sit in a circle and tip out our spoils. Phil had gotten a lot more than just crisps. He had also gotten mac n cheese, juice, a salad bowl, some plastic cutlery, a mini speaker and some hair gel.

'What? Gotta achieve this quiff somehow!'

I grin, he's gonna be a useful friend. I grab my drink, roll onto my back and light a cigarette. I know smoking is bad, but it helps with my anxiety sometimes, besides, it curbs my hunger.

We spend the afternoon chatting and laughing. The other two eat  while I drink my diet coke and smoke.

'Why don't you eat a crisp?' Phil asks me. My smile falters slightly. 'I have! I'm just full.' I lie and put my can to my lips. Phil looks worried but doesn't say anything further.

***

At home, I open my diary and take a sip of my tea.

Dear diary,
Why does Phil want to be friends with us? He's funny and smart and cute and PJ and I are giant nerds. Oh well. He won't want to be friends with us when he finds out what I am.

I'm not sure how long you guys want the chapters to be idk