"You very... pretty-" Jimin sputters whole heartedly, trying his very best. How can you keep a relationship if you can't even get a full sentence through?
"No. I want you only." Jimin says looking right at me.
I look back at him weirdly. "Oh... alright. But now what do we do? I've run out of ideas."
Jimin scratches his chin comically. "We walk together?"
"What..? Do you mean walking a trail or something..?"
"YES!" He exclaims a little too loudly.
"Alright alright." I giggle and pull out of the parking lot.
*
The moment I pull into the trail lot, Jimin's eyes bulge out of his head.
"Whoa~" He unbuckles his seatbelt to get a better look.
"This is my favorite trail that I've been to, well, not that I've been to many. I think you'll like it." I smile and turn off the car. Jimin pretends to know what I am saying and nods happily.
Streams already flow steadily near the entrance, which is also highly decorated in flourishing green plants. The sign right next to the beginning of the pathway reads, "Manoa Falls Trail".
I begin to walk along the trail but Jimin crouches next to the stream instead.
"(y/n)! Look!" Jimin points to a little freshwater fish swimming gently along with the current. He puts his hands on his puffy cheeks and looks at it in awe. "So cute!!"
"We haven't even started the trail yet and you've already stopped to look at a fish, let's go." I giggle at his adorable love for tiny animals.
"Ok~" He hums, stands up, and grabs my hand.
An awkward silence creates a wall between us two, because what am I supposed to say? I can't tell him my life story. He simply wouldn't understand. It makes me think, how are him and I supposed to advance in a relationship if we can't talk to each other?
A sudden sad cloud drapes over me.
How could Jimin and I ever amount to anything?
After passing a lot of green scenery, my thought bubble pops when we turn the last corner of the trail and stand in front of a beautiful pond.
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Jimin lets go of my hand and runs to the water while flicking off his flip flops.
"(y/n)!! Come here!" He yells and splishes his feet in the shallows.
As much as I wanted to laugh at his cuteness, I couldn't help but feel off.
He deserves to be with someone who will understand him inside and out.
Jimin must have seen that I was upset because he ran over and looked me in the eye.
"(y/n)..?" He asks assuringly.
I blink and fix myself for his sake. "Yes?"
"Are you ok?"
"Uhm, yes. Of course. I'm alright." I smile and sigh slightly. Jimin scans my face with his pretty brown eyes then smiles back.
He's so goddamn gorgeous. And beautiful. And adorable. But I can't have him. I can't torture him like this for much longer.
During our commute back to the car, Jimin breaks the silence.
"(y/n)?"
"Hmm?"
"I think... I think... I love you."
I don't answer him. He lets go of my hand and faces me in anticipation for my reaction. There are so many words I urge to say to him, but I just can't.
I think I love you too, but I feel like I can't. Not being able to talk to you pains me so unbearably much. I want to know what it was like for you to grow up. I want to know about your hobbies and things you love. I want to know about your hardships and achievements. I want you to tell me everything, but you just can't. I don't know why you love me, and I don't know why I love you.
I tell him what he must have wanted to hear.
"I love you too, Park Jimin" I say half heartedly, which makes his face sink.
He forces a smile back. He must have noticed the stirring emotions in my face.
*
I drop Jimin off at the hotel the boys share. He leaves with just a smile and a wave.
Have I messed everything up?
I arrive home and Brody is sprawled out on my small couch.
"Ugh you're so gross, please put a shirt on." I throw my hands up in disgust.
"Hey, someone is not paying for air conditioning, a guy needs to find some sort of comfort around here." Brody says.
"You can gladly leave." I growl and reclaim my bedroom.
The moment I plow into my bed, emotions crash over me.
Why can't I just fall for Jimin without any regrets? Isn't it what he wants? Why did I have to hurt him like that?
A few tears leave my eyes before I dose off to sleep out of exhaustion.
*
"Hey, wake up slob! You got mail from your sugar daddy or something... is this how you pay for your apartment without a job?" Brody violently bangs on my door.
I furrow my eyebrows and crack open my eyes in confusion.
Who sends letters these days..?
Brody slides the envelope under the door and steps away.
The back of the envelope has my name written on it in relatively messy handwriting.
There's only one person I know who would send letters in messy English. My heart sinks.
I nervously tear the envelope open and pull out a ripped piece of lined paper. Must have been fresh from an old notebook.
I scan the barely legible note quickly with shaking hands.
Dear (y/n),
Namjoon-hyung helped me write this. I trust him with a lot. I'm sorry if I told you at the wrong time, but I really do feel that way. I could tell you don't. It could be because you can't usually understand me, and clearly I can't speak English that well. You're special to me. I've never met anybody so brave and easy-going. People in Korea are always all over the place worrying about social status and never enjoy the little happy things in life. Like the little fishy I saw in the stream :). I felt like I knew you so well the moment I saw you, but I knew it for sure when I kissed you. I can't stop thinking about you. I'm so curious to know all the little things about you. To do so, I'm studying very hard on my English. I'm so thankful Namjoon-hyung is here to help me. You don't have to feel the same about me. I just wanted you to know my feelings without blurting them all to you in Korean. I know I must be going on too fast, but I can't help myself.
-Jimin
To know Jimin's thoughts clearly is so new to me. My lungs can't take in enough air and my breathing becomes uneven.
A single tear drops onto the paper making it smudge the cheap ink.
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YALL IM SO SORRY ITS BEEN 29382883 YEARS IM SORRY IF THIS IS GARBAGE ITS ALMOST 12 AM AND SCHOOL IS ONLY MAKING ME DUMBER. I HOPE I CAN FIND TIME TO UPDATE MORE OFTEN, IM SO SORRY -gabba💕
