broken (narry)

one: a lie for you

one: a lie for you

six months later 

Harry sits in yet another radio room, listening somewhat to yet another interviewer rave about yet another one of his songs. Harry didn't want to be here, he would much rather be at home but he was no longer allowed to skip interviews. His time off was officially over and Harry was back to facing the real world once more. He hated every second of it, feeling like his walls are closing in with each question, with each lie he told. 

In his years of this life, Harry had learned how to lie quite efficiently. It was all about the smile, pretending like he was happy when truly on the inside he couldn't be more empty. Harry was as far from happy as one could get, each passing day seeming to make that void inside him grow. He was numb to it all, only feeling the pain late at night when he was completely alone. Harry knew it wasn't alone though, he had Liam... but Liam wasn't who Harry wanted, not by a long shot. 

Harry wanted Adam, Harry needed Adam. He needed to hear the light laughter echo through the all too empty house, he wanted to see Adam's smile again, he wanted to hear his voice... but Harry was stuck in a world where the only way he could remember Adam was through photographs and his voicemail. Harry called Adam every night, listening to that voicemail and trying to imagine Adam while he spoke. If he closed his eyes, he could almost see him. 

Harry deflects all the questions about Adam, still finding it hard to speak about him to anyone. The media didn't know the real Adam, the Adam that Harry was hopelessly in love with. According to the media, Adam was just Harry's roommate, a close personal friend... He wasn't his boyfriend, he wasn't the love of his life. Harry had a girlfriend, she was the "love of his life", not Adam. It was yet another lie, one that Harry was almost certain he'd take with him to his grave. 

He has to talk about her though, telling everyone about how amazing things were with a woman he couldn't even stand. He was certain that Charlotte wasn't really that terrible of a person, it was more than likely just the whole situation they were in. She needed Harry for her acting career, Harry needed her for his image. She had gotten better in the months since Adam's passing, actually engaging in conversation on their staged outings instead of acting like he didn't exist. 

He leaves the radio studio with his best fake smile, waving at the crowd that was gathered around but the smile fades the second he's inside the car. He rubs his temples as his head starts to hurt, unsure if it was the screaming or just the constant lying. He tells his driver to take him home, needing to rest before his outing with Charlotte later that evening. 

Liam's there when Harry arrives back home, his friend having moved in after Adam passed. Harry didn't like to be alone and Liam didn't like leaving him alone. Liam had basically taken on a mother role for his best friend, making sure he ate, showered and attempted to sleep. Harry tries his best to see the kindness in his actions, but more times than not Harry felt like it was a bit much. 

"I know Gem, I'm worried about him too but Tony said that they can't postpone his tour any longer. The best I can do is just be there with him.... Yeah, I know.... I know...." Liam's voice echoes from the kitchen, the older not aware that Harry has arrived home yet. Harry takes off his coat, hanging it up as he tries to tune out his friend. He didn't want to eavesdrop, respecting Liam's privacy despite the fact Liam didn't seem to respect his. Harry understood though, Gemma was worried about him just as Liam was. 

Those close to him knew Harry wasn't okay, that he was slowly starting to fall apart at the seams. Liam was more aware than Gemma was, mainly due to the fact that Harry often woke him up in the middle of the night as he screamed. Harry had terrible nightmares, or really one nightmare that repeated over and over again. 

It always started in that room just up the stairs, Adam standing behind the door that Harry refused to open. Harry couldn't reach him, not in time. He would wake up screaming his name, reaching out blindly but no one was there. Harry couldn't even remember the last time he got a full night of sleep, finding himself often dialing Adam's number because hearing his voice was the only way to make the nightmare fade away. 

Harry knew it wasn't healthy, he knew he was on a downward spiral which was more than evident with all the empty bottles in his living room. Liam wouldn't say anything, Harry knew that...

No one said anything in fears of Harry's final threads breaking, the threads holding the last few pieces of Harry that were left of him. They didn't know how to fix him, Harry didn't know how to either. 

He felt like he couldn't breathe, his chest so tight that every time he tried it put more stress on those pieces... He felt like he was drowning, just waiting until he had no more air. 

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um hi. 

it's been about two weeks. sorry. 

i've had a lot of personal things happen... and now i'm writing cause i'm sad and it's the only thing that distracts me lol.

so yeah. 

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connie xx