What a Wonderful Mess

Oh, what a wonderful thing

"Hey, senpai, that man is not supposed to be here!" Tobi yelped, leaping behind a shorter member who's blue eye twitched in aggravation.
"He's our new recruit, Tobi. Suck it up and let go of my fucking cloak, un." The blonde snapped back, shooting Kakashi a wary look from the corner of his eye.
Kakashi glanced nonchalantly at the newcomers and turned back to Pain, who was handing him a neatly folded cloak.
"Welcome to the Akatsuki, Hatake Kakashi. I hope you stay loyal, and don't worry about defecting, you won't make it far."
Wow. What a greeting.
Next to him Konan pulled at Pain's sleeve. "Leader, we have to get going now that the background check is done. Amegakure needs your guidance." Her voice was soft, and Kakashi marveled at how she was the only woman. She must be brave, or, as he thought harder, absolutely insane.
Pain looked to her for a moment, his dull, ringed eyes blank. "Indeed. Deidara, Tobi, I expect you two to take care of the newcomer and teach him how we work. Keep a close eye on him." With that Pain and Konan walked out, leaving Kakashi with two of the world's most dangerous missing nin.

Record scratch, freeze frame, you must be wondering how we got into this mess. Well it began with an announcement from Tsunade-sama.
"Tsunade-sama, please, if you want to send a spy to the Akatsuki have it be me!" Tenzo begged, pointing a finger at Kakashi. "He has a team to lead! I am an Anbu, I have no home, no rights to lead team seven, I don't even have a real name!"
Tsunade pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "Although you have a point, I'm afraid me and Kakashi already worked it all out. Also, right now we need you to be watching Naruto since his chakra has gotten increasingly unpredictable. We have no other wood style users."
Tenzo gritted his teeth and bowed his head. "I'm sorry Tsunade-sama," he began, "but Kakashi is much more valuable and powerful than me. We need him in Konoha while the Akatsuki are so active."
Kakashi shrugged. "Maa, Tenzo, you're acting as if I'm being sent to my death or something."
Tenzo let out a wail and covered his face. "Senpai, you really don't know what you're getting into."

So yes, he was sent to the Akatsuki to be a sort of double agent for Konoha. The only ones who knew were Tsunade, Shizune, Tenzo and the village elders.
They tipped off some citizens to get rumors spreading, and soon enough everyone knew. They had hoped rumors would get to the Akatsuki that "Kakashi had defected from the Leaf after trying to assassinate the Hokage", and they did, since he was recruited soon after.
He felt bad, knowing his precious little not-so-gennins would feel heartbroken, after all, comrades always come first, but getting Intel on S-ranked missing nin was an opportunity he could not risk for anything. It was his own strange way of protecting Naruto.

The cloak was soft, and it swished just around his ankles. It was loose fitting and light. If he sowed pockets on the inside he could probably hold many things.
Deidara, the blonde one, was sitting on a rock, picking at his nails, while his partner with the mask swung his legs absentmindedly.
Kakashi decided he didn't mind them too much if they stayed like this.
They didn't.
Deidara pushed himself to his feet and stretched, groaning in annoyance.
"Come on now, newbie, I'll show you our humble abode." He walked over to the huge Gedo statue in the back and Kakashi followed, Deidara's partner trailing along as well.
"Right here," Deidara began, his voice dripping with boredom, "is what I like to call 'sculpture of Tobi's real face'." He gestured to the huge statue and Kakashi let himself grin, the fabric of his mask stretching.
Tobi ran in front of the two and made a big 'X' with his arms. "No! My face is very handsome! And I have at least one eye, why else would I have a hole in my mask??"
"Maa," Kakashi began, placing his hands on his hips, "at least one sounds suspicious, Tobi-san."
Deidara wheeled around, shooting Kakashi a glare. "No, do not use honorifics when addressing him, you won't hear the end of it-"
"Tobi-san!!!!!" Tobi cheered, clapping his hands vigorously. "Does this mean that I'm your senpai?!"
Kakashi was beginning to regret not taking Tenzo up on his offer. He could practically hear Tenzo screaming "SENPAI YOU FOOL!"
"Maa, I'm a bit more used to being called senpai myself, actually."
Deidara visibility deflated. "Congratulations, Kakashi. You're now also Tobi's senpai."
Tobi skipped over and wrapped his arms around Kakashi's waist. "Senpai, I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe."
Deidara straightened up, "Tobi, off."
As Tobi released him Kakashi quirked his eyebrow. Tobi was like a dog it seemed. Good, he worked well with dogs.
He looked around. The cave was surprisingly well lit, although the only light was coming from the entrance. It was barren, although he supposed there wouldn't be need for to much furniture when all thier members were out on missions so often.
"When will we be getting a mission?" He asked.
Deidara shrugged. "Leader likes to take his time, and I doubt he'd send a mismatched team like us after a jinchūriki, un. He may give us a generic job but since you're new we'll probably have a few off days."
Kakashi reached under his coat and into his vest pocket, slipping out one of his books. "Well, if we won't be doing much.."
Deidara tensed, his hand hovering over an unzipped pouch around his waist, and Kakashi put his hands up, smiling apologetically. "Ah don't worry," he flicked the book out, "just reading is all."
Deidara relaxed again. "I wasn't worried, it's just you damn Leaf shinobi can be so tricky, un."
"Oh," Kakashi prodded, "what do you know about shinobi from the Leaf?"
Tobi's hand shot into the air. "Tobi has met some from the Leaf!!" He put a finger on his mask— where his mouth would be. "Itachi-san is a Leaf shinobi! He's very kind to me!"
Kakashi narrowed his eye. That's right, he would have to be prepared for when he encountered him again. Itachi.. he was a good kid. A fantastic comrade and a terrifying enemy. And as the twisted way fate seemed to spin him, Kakashi was now his ally again.
Deidara nodded. "Yeah, Itachi and his damn sharingan. Fuck that damn eye. So powerful, but a true form of art, un!"
Tobi nodded. "It's not the only sharingan in the Akatsuki, though."
Deidara swung his head to look at Tobi, a glint in his eye. "I always knew you were hiding something under that mask, asshole!!-" Deidara made a grab for Tobi's mask and he avoided it.
"Senpai!! I meant Kakashi-senpai!!"
Huh, Kakashi thought. He was trapped with a couple of lunatics.
Deidara turned to look at Kakashi, seemingly even more upset.
"Eh? You have a sharingan? What are you, half Uchiha or something?"
Kakashi shook his head. "No, no. I just happen to have one," he lifted his hitai-ate, "right here." He tapped next to his eye, which was squinting and blinking a bit from the rush of cold air and light.
Deidara's face scrunched up into a snarl.
"That's so unfair! What gives you the right to cheat in life and steal some special eye? Where did you even find that?!"
Kakashi shrugged, shutting out the dark imagery that flashed through his head. "A friend."
Tobi leaned in close. "What kind of friend would give away such an important thing?"
The memory washed over him. It didn't sting like it used to, rather it calmed him. Obito was a familiar face in his mind contrast to all the unfamiliar Akatsuki business.
Kakashi took a deep breath. "He wasn't really my friend until that moment. But that made him more than my friend. It made him my hero."
Tobi's breath hitched a bit and he stepped back.
"I see." He said with a shaky voice.
"Oi, Tobi don't you dare start crying!" Deidara yelled, smacking Tobi on the back of his head. "You always cry over every sob story these damn Akatsuki members bring with them."
"But senpai," Tobi interjected, seemingly fine, "your story is so un-tragic even I couldn't conjure up tears for it."
"SHUT UP!!" Deidara roared, swinging at Tobi's head, who dropped down. "NO ONE IN IWAGAKURE APPRECIATED MY ART."
"Hey now, no need to fight.."
Tobi looked up and nodded, "You're right! Infighting will get us nowhere! We must never abandon a comrade!" With that last line Tobi and Kakashi's gazes met, as much as they can when one of the gazes is a dark hole.
Huh, thought Kakashi, he could warm up to this one.
"Yes, just as Tobi said," Kakashi repeated, "to abandon a comrade makes you worse than trash."
Deidara slapped his hands over his face. "Ah I know! God I've heard Tobi recite that to me enough times as it is, un. Everytime I try to abandon him to get on with the mission it's 'abandoning a mission makes you trash, but abandoning a comrade makes you worse than trash' what did you two steal that quote from a book or something?"
Kakashi looked questioningly at Tobi, who was busying himself by making shadow puppets.
"You two better behave yourselves. I'm going to buy us some food, what do you two want?"
Tobi looked up again. "I want cold soba!"
Deidara did a double take.
"Who are you and what have you done with the real Tobi?"
"I'll have a bowl of miso pork ramen." Kakashi said. Naruto's favorite. His dear students better be eating well or he'd have no choice but to come back to Konoha and feed them himself.
Deidara was still staring at Tobi until he turned to leave. ".. Alright then."
As Deidara left Kakashi felt awkwardness begin to heat the air. Just him and .. that guy. He glanced over at Tobi. How old even was he?
"What do you normally order?" Kakashi finally asked, breaking the silence.
"Uh, I usually," Tobi scuffed at the dirt with his foot. "I usually order dango?"
Kakashi was beginning to feel uneasy. Too many coincidences in a row. He knew it was trauma, he knew Obito was dead, he had watched Obito die himself. He was projecting his dead best friend onto some terrorist who acted like he was three and it was unhealthy. He knew his coping skills had been bad before but he didn't think he would be able to handle something like this. He had to see Tobi's face and prove to himself that it wasn't him before he was stuck with the mental attachment for real.
He walked over to Tobi like it was no big deal, the masked face turning to follow him. Pouring all the chakra he could into his arm he snatched the edge of Tobi's mask, but just as fast as he had done that Tobi swung out a leg, causing him to topple over. They were both on thier feet and rushing at eachother again in a heartbeat, wind streaming past them as they collided in the middle, thier fingers interlocked together.
"So," Tobi panted, his voice a bit rougher than usual, "not gonna play nice, huh, Hatake?"
"Ah, I'm just curious what's under that mask is all." Kakashi smiled sweetly, feeling the other's chakra dip in annoyance. "Gotta make sure you don't actually look like that statue back there!"
Tobi flung his arms back, causing Kakashi to topple into him, then pushed off the ground with his feet, successfully trapping Kakashi under him instead.
"Why don't we trade off, senpai. Mask for a mask?"
Kakashi relaxed. "Sure, if I still get to see your face after."
He didn't mind showing his face if the idiot complied. He needed to see under the mask, just to prove to himself he was crazy. To make himself know how horribly messed up he was.
Tobi's glove hand hovered over the edge of the mask and he gently took hold, sliding it down.
They sat in silence for a minute. Catching their breath as the dark hole in the orange mask surveyed his face.
"There's not much to see," Kakashi said, wanting to pull his mask back up, "just a plain old face."
"Yeah well, same goes for mine, senpai."
With that Tobi got up and dusted himself off. Kakashi did the same, his mask on faster than Tobi could even see.
"Your turn."
"Sorry," Tobi began, "I'm shy so I won't be—" the mask was gone. The orange mask had completely ceased to exist.
And just a millisecond after the mask disappeared, Tobi did too. Startled, Kakashi whirled himself into the Kamui space to see Tobi, refastening his mask.
"You," Kakashi began, his heart sinking, "I only whirled the mask away." He stumbled forward and placed his hands on Tobi's shoulders. "How are you here?"
Tobi shrugged. "I think you whirled me too. I dunno."
Kakashi shook his head. "No, I know I didn't. I know for sure, because you were there just a second after the mask. Just a tiny second but you were. You came here on your own."
This time when Kakashi gripped onto Tobi's mask he stayed put.
Kakashi gently pulled it up over his head and suddenly he was drowning. Kakashi couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He couldn't feel his body until he hit the ground.
The other man pulled him into his chest, his arms tight as he patted his hair comfortingly.
"Shhhhh. It's okay Kakashi."
Kakashi couldn't speak for a long time. He stayed silent and frozen in a dead man's grasp, a dead man!
Eventually he worked up the courage to look. Obito's eyes tightened as he smiled, placing a hand to Kakashi's cheek.
"Surprise?"
"You ASSHOLE!" Kakashi yelled. "Obito, where the hell have you been?! You absolute idiot, do you know how much I've missed you?"
"Hm," Obito gripped his chin comically. "You mentioned something about me being your hero, right? Well uh," Obito grinned sheepishly. "Looks like neither of us ended up where we expected, eh?"
Kakashi backed away, sitting on his knees and glanced Obito up and down, taking in everything about him. He had grown so much and changed so much he was surprised he could even recognize him anymore. His rounded young features had sharpened over, and his right side was completed scarred.
"Okay," Kakashi began, taking a deep breath. "Where have you been and what happened to you?"
Obito tilted his head, smiling. "I'll tell you if you tell me why you're really here. I know you're not really in the Akatsuki. I've seen the way you look at your students. There's no way you just up and left them."
Kakashi narrowed his eyes. "You've been watching me?"
Obito shrugged. Everything he did was very exaggerated. "Well I have to look out for my last teammate, Bakashi!"
"Okay," Kakashi began, choosing his words carefully. "I'm here to gather intel." He gauged Obito's reaction carefully. The Anbu were taught to read emotions.
Obito let his smile fall a bit and breathed out through his nose. He was feeling uneasy and disappointed.
"Yes well, I'll keep you alive, Kakashi it's just-" he trailed off, his mismatched eyes looking away. "Listen," Obito moved forward, taking Kakashi's hands. "What if you didn't have to choose?"
"What?"
"I mean like," Obito was getting excited now, his hands squeezing Kakashi's. "What if we lived in a perfect world? Like one where all the people you've lost never died, all the people you've loved loved you back, there were no wars, all your dreams came true!!" Obito's face was close. Kakashi could feel his warm breath. "Come with me Kakashi, stay with me, I'll give you everything, I'll never leave you again, it can be you and me! We'll make a world like that and once everyone is safe we can join them in paradise!"
Kakashi felt his heartbeat speed up. "But wouldn't it just be a fake world? A world of dreams is nothing like reality. It wouldn't be the same."
Obito's expression softened. "I knew you would say that, Kakashi. But you're stuck here in the Akatsuki for a while, right? Stick around until I change your mind."
He cupped Kakashi's face in his hands. "I may be trash leaving this world behind, but I will never be the trash that leaves you as well."