Static

Clutter And Knick Knacks

As the months went by, the memory of that horrible static seemed to slip away. Happiness made its roots in me, permanently it seemed. I was no longer paranoid. I still didn't want to get a television or a radio, but I no longer felt like walking past the electronics section of the local Wal Mart would set off any booby traps. I slept easier, the nightmares I'd had since childhood seemed to waste away into nothing but surreal ones about talking animals and things of the like. I felt exquisitely normal.
A year and a half after Jeremy and I began dating, he proposed to me. I, overjoyed and ecstatic, accepted. My mother and Thomas were overjoyed as were Jeremy's parents. After so long of having a three person family, we were expanding. Jeremy had three older siblings, two of whom had already married and had children. His parents were model in-laws. They adored me and welcomed me into the family long before then, when Jeremy and I met in kindergarten. His siblings were already like family to me too. In fact, his two older sisters were my bridesmaids. His brother and Thomas were his groomsmen.
The wedding was delightful. It was a quiet, intimate ceremony with only close friends and Jeremy's family. Only 30 people were in attendance, but that's what made it so wonderful. It felt safe, wholesome, and warm. A beautiful summer day, our alter was two willow trees that stood side by side in the park beside a small pond. We didn't decorate much, we simply had some clean, white chairs for patrons and a few vases of colorful spring flowers.
While my fears had quelled somewhat, I still refused to have any kind of speaker system at the reception for music. Instead, I hired a string quartet. Everyone loved it. It was so 'vintage'. I will never forget that day. It will always be the brightest light in the ebony void that was my life beforehand.
But all good things must come to an end.
We moved from our apartment not long after the wedding, deciding that in order to start a family, we would definitely need more space.
The most generous wedding gift we'd gotten was a $25,000 check from Jeremy's uncle, who played the stock market. He told us a nest egg takes too long to grow, so he wanted to give us a fresh start. We took that check and put a down payment on a beautiful two story, colonial style house in the next town over. I loved every single thing about that house. From its sky-blue shutters, to the clean white pillars that held up the awning over the porch.
Moving day was almost like a big family gathering. Everyone seemed to be there helping us move all of our stuff in and unpack. We settled in so easily, it was as if we'd lived there all of our lives. At the end of the day, Jeremy's sister, Lillian, sat with us on our porch while her two kids played in the front yard.
She told us that she'd gotten us a special house warming present earlier that week and that it would be arriving within the next few days. Both Jeremy and I were overwhelmed, we'd already been given the money to get our own home, but she wouldn't take no for an answer.
When it came, I was alone, making sure that every surface in the house was clean and filled with our own clutter and knick knacks. I heard the door bell, answered, and signed for a very large box. I dragged it in and realized that the shape of the box resembled the kind that TVs are generally delivered in. I remember staring at it for a while, debating with myself about opening it. Those old twinges of anxiety played drums in my stomach and brain while I walked circles around the box, running my hand on the taped seams. I called Jeremy and told him what Lillian had sent us.
He was a little angry at first. He'd told Lillian that I was old fashioned and didn't believe in having a TV (explaining away why we never had one). But, in my head, whatever had happened before had ceased and that maybe it was time to let it all go. I felt ready to set everything aside and grow up. I was 25 then, it seemed appropriate that I let all of the superstitions, fears, and paranoia slip from my hands and fall away. Before he got home, I unloaded the TV from its box, moved the coffee table against the wall in front of the couch, and carefully lifted the television onto it.
For a long time, I sat on the couch and stared at it, willing myself to plug it in and watch something. If anything, just to give myself that final push in to peace of mind. Jeremy came home while I was contemplating this. He watched me for a little while before plugging it in himself. I remember feeling my body jump a little off of the couch cushion when he turned it on. All that met us was a bright blue screen with the letters AUX in the top right-hand corner. Nothing was attached to it, we didn't even have a disc player or a satellite service. Both of us chuckled at this. We finally had one and we couldn't even use it.
For a few months, that's how it remained. This giant black box merely sat in our living room, eerily catching our reflections when we walked past or sat down to read. We'd become so used to being unplugged that it was merely an ornament in our home for a long time. Eventually, I agreed that Jeremy could purchase a radio. I never even listened to the radio in our car. It had been years since I really listened to music on anything but an iPod. I never feared the static from one of those. I was never sure why. I felt that perhaps if we'd taken the step to get a TV, that a radio wouldn't be so bad.