Lion & Kitten : The way to oneself

Everything will be alright

Walking along the sidewalk in sunny Los Angeles, with my shades on trying the blend in the crowed street, hiding my identity on my way to the studio not far from where i parked my car, all I could think off was that hole I felt in my chest.

Earlier in that hell of a week, I came to the realisation that not everyone was there for my best benefit, how much that hurts when you loose your longtime friend and you can do nothing about it.
I have always been difficult to handle I know it, I ve learned quickly to lie and makes my way around manipulation to have what I desire most but growing up, I realised that those things werent any help for myself or my family and friends, i worked really hard on myself to be better and get my life together. I did it for years, actually five years until now.
I didnt reverted to my old ways of lies and mistrust but maybe i should have been more careful about my surroundings, be more attentive to what was indeed changing around me. It has always been hard for me to trust people, I never had the best experiences with people my age, been abused mentally and it took a toll on my personal development when i was younger, thanks to my family and friends I worked around it and now i am feeling quite confident in my capabilities and in my music.

Music that, if i can't get to that damn studio, wont be recorded in time. I cross the last pathwalk on the street and finally enter the building, making my way to the elevator and pushing the button to my floor.

It has been a year since I have released my last album and working on this new one, an album I put my everything in it, I lost sleep and sun, time writting, erasing, writing again every words of every songs, I want this album to put an end to the fall out I ve been feeling with everything happening and collapsing around me in my private life.
I ve written about friendship, love, loneliness and about forgiveness. I purged my heart out to make this album my « fall in » in the world, my ressurection of sorts, my now I am here and I am here to stay, to grow as a person and as an artist.

Spending several hours recording those songs are exactly what i need to put my mind at rest with the chaos reigning inside my head. Pouring my frustration and passion in those lyrics, forgiving myself for being so easy to shake, for allowing my mind to take over my entire body and thoughts.

Later on after my session in the studio with my team is over, i head back to my car the same way i came in, and make my way home on the highlands of Los Angeles, from my place I can enjoy the view of that city that holds my heart and some of my best memories. I cross the gate of my house and make my way to the garage and my park there. Heading to the front door i stop to check my mail and start the water system to wet the plants i own in my garden surrounding my two story house, and the pool. I make my way inside tired of that day, less anxious and stressed that i was in the beginning of that week, it was finally friday night and i could rest with Ella and Batman my two loves, at least they would never betray the hand that gives them snuggles and food.

I get settles slowly putting my bags on the floor by the front door, taking my boots and leather jacket off hanging it on its hook and make my way further inside my living room, walking across it and petting my two lovely fur buddies, I open the board in my kitchen and take a glass, pour myself water and turn on the oven, sliding my dish in for tonight, simple chicken and green vegetables, some leftovers from the night before. During the time my dinner take to heat up, I make my way to my bedroom and change into sweatpants and a tank top, putting away my clothes of the day in the laundry bag, releasing my hair from the tie they ve been kept all day and shaking my head to finally released some blood in my scalp again, messing my hair and letting them down on my shoulders before making my way downstairs for my dinner and watching some shows on my screen in my living room.

This week has been hard emotionally so disconnecting myself for the weekend and spending time alone by myself is exactly what i need now.
Its always hard hearing that one of your closest friend had been using you only for your fame for several month now, realising that, that specific and special friendship you thought you still had changed with time appart from the one you considered a sister. In a way, I may not have been the best at keeping in touch but never in my wildest dreams would have i kept a friendship that i knew had not the same meaning as years ago, it stings really much to realise that people arent has honest has the say they are.. so I have to learn it once again the hard way, i thought a breakup from a boyfriend or a girlfriend was hard to handle, until some days ago, when i learned what a break up in a friendship is.

A cold shower, ice rolling in your veins, your head spinning and your guts wrenching, a feeling of complete emptiness, a world that stops spinning for a fractional second and then start to spin at light speed.

When honesty and loyalty are no more important in a relationship of any sort remember to break it off, talk to the concerned person and go your separate way in good terms, but never let bad thinking and fear overcome you. Its more often than not better to let go than to hold on. Thats what I came to understand in a short amount of time.

I lost many people in those last years but losing myself because of it was probably the worst that happend to me.

Nearing one am, i turn off my tv and makes my way on my balcony in my room upstairs to watch the stars light, or as much as i can see it because of the lights coming from the city. I take a deep breathe and let the negativity of the week leave my body and fills it with the crisp air of that October day finally ending, spending several minutes meditating I find a bit of peace of mind, enough to settles for the night and find a good night sleep.
I put my phone on charge on my night stands, go freshen up and do my evening routine before crawling under my blanket ready to crash from exhaustion, as i close my eyes my phone lights up with a ding and a notification of an incoming message.

Matthew:
Please don't close yourself off, don't forget that you still have relatable friends who deeply care for you, Demetria. Call me soon, take care ..

I smile sadly at my bestfriend text and decide to just reply or call tomorrow or sunday. I put my phone away for the second time in a few minutes and before my head hit my pillow, i am deeply asleep forgetting about this awful week and off to dreams land, not noticing the second message lighting up my darkened room.

Matthew :... Everything will be alright..

______________________________