The True Meaning of Life

Chapter 1: Reflection

Emptiness. Isolation. These feelings consume me as I sit, with my legs dangling off, on the ledge by the lake. In the distance, I see the sun setting causing a glimmer to reflect off the water. I sit here alone, wondering, pondering, questioning...what is our purpose in life? Society cuts us up, dissects our character and spits us back out, stripped of our identity. I am not the girl who just reads books. I am not the girl who speaks only when spoken to. Let me tell you who I am. I am an optimist who is unaffected by the negativity in others.

Unfortunately, the labels concentrated on my life and personality have diminished this feeling. I was once an effervescent, sociable, extrovert who did not care about other people's opinions. But since then, I have become more reserved, secretive, and aloof. I took this summer break to consider my core values and beliefs. 

As the last year of high school approaches, senior year, it is time to think about the decisions I took to get where I am today. The hardships and challenges I faced, well to clarify, still face. In about a year, it will be off to college and I will never look back. And for that, I have to thank my friends, family, teachers, and coaches have all shaped me into the person that I am today.

Anyway, it has been 3 hours since I began thinking on this ledge. At first I thought about school which would eventually follow with life, love, and the future of everything. The conversation I had with myself was interrupted by the sound of my mother's voice, calling me in for dinner.

I took my feet out of the water and stood there transfixed, for just a moment, admiring the amber outline of the sunlight fading away. I entered the cabin and found some roasted chicken with root vegetables sitting on the table with scalloped potatoes and the traditional caesar salad. Mom really went all out this year. Next to dinner, she left a homemade lemon meringue pie on the side counter. I took a seat next to Patrick and Stanley as my mom raised her glass.

"In honor of Valerie's senior year of high school and Patrick's new job, enjoy this special dinner," she proclaimed. Dad followed with an encore and we began eating dinner. It was one of the most marvelous nights! We shared jokes and old memories with each other at the table, reminiscing over things like Patrick's first time cooking for his girlfriend turned fiance to Stanley's first time on a rollercoaster.

Later in the night, we moved to roasting marshmallows outside. I looked up into the sky and realized how many stars shined bright. Each star with a name, each a different size. Unique. The conversation continued and slowly turned to me. "So Val," dad questioned, "As college application season approaches, where do you plan on applying? Do you want to follow the footsteps of your brother and I, or do you prefer to create your own path?"

I thought about this for a moment. What did I want in life? At this stage, why are we alive? This is what the typical student attending a high school might ask themselves. How is school so important that families invest hundreds of thousands of dollars on exemplar education? For some, that may be getting an A on a test, which would inevitably result in an A in the class. And of course that would lead to a perfect 4.0 GPA and finally, a change to attend the prestigious Ivy League schools. 

Side note: But what happens after that? What happens when your childhood aspirations of making your parents proud by enrolling in a reputable university is fulfilled, yet you find yourselves jobless?

For others, that may be to enjoy life because it's prime time to act wild and free. Then there are a select few who are determined, hard working students striving to immerse themselves in new, profound knowledge so that they can grasp a better meaning of the world. And that's the category I fall into.

But for Patrick, it seemed like he had his whole life in front of him. He received an athletic scholarship to play soccer at Princeton University, landed his dream job this past year as a mechanical engineer, and proposed to his high school girlfriend. For Stanley, he was in 9th grade but had already been accepted into a top notch medical summer program. 

His dream was to become a cardiothoratic surgeon, which seemed easily attainable. As the middle child and the only one who did not know what to do with my life, I somehow always felt left out.

"Val, what do you think?" my dad asked once again.

"I am going to enjoy this school year and see where life takes me. I might pursue a gap year working in the peace corps or working humanitarian efforts in third world countries," I responded gracefully. And with that, the conversation took off with my life and future.

Around 10:00, I had finished washing the dishes and headed to bed. The next day we would drive back from the rural Hadley to urban Boston. This night was unforgettable. It was on this night that I learned what my core values were. I made a promise to myself that I would take responsibility for my own actions, respect others, and most importantly, remain honest with myself and others.

I was ready to take on senior year. Nothing would ruin my senior year. With that, I closed my eyes and drifted off into a deep sleep.