Until My Last Breath

The First Entry

Alyssa

It was a Tuesday. I was where I normally was everyday, on my bed with my cat. My mom was at the store and my dad was at work and wouldn't be back until late. My siblings were at school being normal human beings. That left me home alone, with nothing but my computer and my hero... Netflix. Currently, I was watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S, eating popcorn with my pajamas on. You know, the usual day for me.

The time was 11:25 p.m. I hadn't had any lunch yet because there was nothing in the pantry or refridgerator and I'm serious when I say that. I'd looked everywhere for some kind of food to eat and the only thing I found was the popcorn I was eating at the moment. Don't judge me because I know you do it too. I mean, everyone does. Right?

Anyways after about 2 more episodes, I exited out of the Netflix tab. I was about to look for a new show to watch, when my phone started to play  "My Heart Will Go On by Celin Dion" It was my mom. I picked it up and answered my buzzing cell.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey honey, how's everything at home? Are you doing okay" my mom bombarded me with questions. She'd been really worried lately and she's always checking up on me. I chuckled and started to pet my cat, "Yes mom, I'm fine." I heard her sigh in relief, " That's great! I just want wanted to make sure-" I interrupted, "Mom, there's no reason to worry. I'm fine" I assured her, a slight smile on my face. 

"Well if you say so... Oh and if anything goes wrong call me... or you're dad... you know what just call 911. Okay? So we can get to you-"

"As soon as possible." We said together. I heard her chuckle in the other side of the phone. Overall, my mom is a pretty cool person. "Alright sweetie, I'll see you in a little bit." We bid our goodbyes and the conversation was soon over. A few minutes passed, and I found myself on my laptop again, but this time on a website named, "Notmyblog.com" I don't even know how I stumbled across that page, but I did. 

I scanned the page, reading about the friendly bling community and how you should start one because it helps you and other stuff. You can't blame me, the idea was absurd. Come on, blogs are for old people who are depressed and lonely, not for a 16 year old girl who is DYING.

Welp... you only live once.

My mouse clicked on the "sign up!" button and I knew there was no turning back now. I had to make a username that had to be interesting,

Something unique like an ORCA!          Nope.

Or a... a CARROT!!!!                  Eh I didn't like that one either.

Then, I finally had it. WritingwithA07. It wasn't related to any animal or veggie, but it was something okay? I have them my email and password and then I pressed the done button. It soon went to a page that directed me how to publish an anonymous blog and the ground rules. Soon enough, I began to type. One word after the other, until the page was filled with things that I'd never told anyone, but now I was telling the world. 

I explained how things were now, compared to when I was a kid. Of course, I didn't know why I was sharing this even as an anonymous user, but as I continued typing I found myself having the slightest bit of fun. Woah, does that make me an old lady who's is lonely and depressed?

Well... I guess we're one in the same now.

I probably spent like a hour an a half just writing in the computer. That was until, I heard my bedroom door open. "I'm home!!" A voice rang.My mom stood at the entrance to my room, a smile presented on her face, and her long firey red hair shined in the sunlight. "What'cha doing?" She questioned, slowly sitting down next to me.

I quickly closed the computer and forced a smile onto my face. "Nothing, just browsing through Netflix." I lied. My mom nodded and straightened out a pillow that was next to her. She's kind of a perfectionist. "Okay, will you help me bring the groceries down?" I nodded and took myself downstairs and into the garage. It was bright and sunny since the garage door was open. Great, not only am I dying, I'm practically blind now too. Young 16 year old diagnosed with leukemia is now faced with a brand new challenge. Blindness.

Yeah just kidding, my eyesight is perfectly fine, I promise. Anyways, I started to help unload the groceries. While I was picking up a bag, I spotted a bottle of antidepressants. Why in the world would my mom buy this? I sighed, shaking my head and walked inside to see my mother smiling at me. I set down the plastic bag and pulled out the pills. "Why are these in a grocery bag?" I questioned sternly, placing them on the table. My mom looked at me, her blue eyes widened with worry.

"Oh those are-"

"Don't lie to me mom." The statment came out of my mouth harshly. She sighed, her hair fell over her face. She was guilty. "Lissie, I haven't been doing well since we found out about you condition. I thought it had something to do with me and I got really low. I decided to go to a therapist and he told me to take these to feel better." My mom explaind, grabbing my hand tenderly, "I'm fine, there's no reason to worry."

I gave her a snile and engulfed her in a hug. I guess I didn't know how much this changed my family after all. "All this time you've been worried about me. Maybe it's time we start taking care of you too." I replied, sympatheticness coated my voice. I truly was sad that mom was going through this, I was also kind of angry that she hadn't told me this before.

This was the moment I realized. if my mom was having a rough time dealing with this, what were my other siblings going through? What if they were hruting too?

Man, now you're probab;y convinced that I'm actually a depressed grandma. Trust me, I'm not. Things are going to get better. Mostly.