Blood Donor | Dark Romance | MxM [COMPLETED]

4.5

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I do really stupid things from time to time", he admits, his voice barely a whisper. I look up at his face. His eyes are closed, his feature's relaxed. My chest constricts painfully, causing my heart to pump frantically in response. It's too late for an apology. I don't care anymore. It's under the bed already.

"What does that mean?" he asks warily, opening his eyes to slits. I flinch, looking away quickly, fixing my gaze on his chest.

Don't think about it. Don't think about. Don't think about.

He places a soft kiss on my head and my breath hitches.

"Do you want to know why I refuse to use my sedative on you?"

What? I can't help but wonder because it sounds like there's more to it than simple refusal. Until now, I had thought he didn't like it – or enjoyed causing me pain. Because he sure as hell seems to do that. Still, the reason doesn't matter.

"It's a kind of toxin. Most vampires possess the same kind, but actually, there's a wide variety with different properties. They're called sedatives because that's the one thing they have in common. I guess mine's the same, just that it doesn't just numb the pain, but ends up killing you as well", he explains quietly.

Oh. Not that it changes anything, though. Then why do I feel relieved? 

I squeeze my eyes shut.

"A bite from me can paralyze a vampire for days. I managed to find a vampire with a similar sedative, though his is far weaker than mine. Doesn't even kill a human if he bites them and only causes a slight uneasiness in other vampires", he continues on, obviously intent on relaying to me that it's not his fault for being such an asshole. Just that the bites weren't what caused me to shut out my feelings for him. He sighs, pulling me close as he nuzzles his nose into my hair, inhaling my scent.

"I know. I know it's my fault. But I was sure this was no more than a convenient agreement to you", he admits, caressing my back with his fingers. I've got no idea how he could think anything about being close to him is convenient for me.

I sigh.

"It's alright, it doesn't matter anymore", I reply weakly, though the pain inside my chest proves the words false. I grit my teeth, fighting down the urge to cry. I've got everything out of my system already, but still the aching remains because even though I got rid of it, the fact remains that he forced my hand.

"You're right. I'm a monster. I've killed countless humans and vampires", Dael whispers into my hair, sounding distant.

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask, hoping he'd just stop. Sighing, he presses his forehead against mine, tensing. Whatever he's trying to accomplish here, it's not easy for him to do. I just don't get him. Tomorrow, he'll be all angry again, snarling and growling and biting.

"I've got a bad temper. Back then, I was at my worst. After I turned-" he stops abruptly, clutching at my back. His nails scrape across my skin and I hiss.

"You don't need to explain yourself", I tell him flatly, though I'm just as tense as he is. I know he's trying to build a bridge, but I'm ready to expand the distance between us if that's what's needed to keep him from closing in on me. He's inside my head, so he knows, but he can't know everything. What I hide from myself, he can't find out.

"That's true", he agrees, though he doesn't let go of me. "I always believed I'm better than my past self. That I learned from all those mistakes. Guess I was wrong. And now I don't know what to do anymore, because I can't trust myself. Haven't made that many good decisions lately."

It's nice to hear him admit that. Because it's different from simply saying ‚sorry'. He forced me to get rid of my present and my future, leaving me with barely anything left. At least it's stored away safely.