Poems, I guess

But I won't live that long

I'd like to celebrate my eighteenth birthday,
While being able to go outside and lay
In the tall grass on the ground.
And for once I'd like to have some say
In my life and not need to be found.
But I know I'm not gonna live that long.

I'd love to explore the mountains and the sky.
I'd like to fall and then start to fly.
Be off the ground for a little while.
Fly up there mile for mile,
All while I begin to smile.
But I probably won't live that long.

I want to stare at the surface of a lake,
And not be filled with immense hate.
Want the flashing images in my head,
To stop completely, to come to an end.
And stop the overflowing crimson red.
Oh, but I doubt I'll live that long.

I want to walk in public, see my arms,
And not have people look at me like I'm armed.
I want to go out and feel truly free,
Not like it's bad that I'm being me.
But it seems I won't live that long.

For once I want this to be real,
Not a foreign thing I never feel.
I want to be one with all the colors,
Not a stranger to everything, but sorrows.
I want it to be genuine, not borrowed.
Though I doubt I'll live that long.