Starting something new

Flowers

"Hi... Ehm.. I'm Clara.."
I sat back down on the hard metal chair.
I was shaking.
"Hi Clara!" Everyone said together, just like in AA meetings in movies. This wasn't AA though, this was an eating disorder clinic. The people in here were skinnier than me. I already felt disgusting.
"Would you mind telling us your sickness too Clara?" The adult spoke and looked over to me with a kind look on her face.
"Oh I'm sorry I didn't know we were doing that. Eh.. I guess I'm both anorexic and bulimic." I smiled. I don't know why I smiled though. But this one guy smiled back at me. He was cute. He had black curly hair and high cheekbones.
"And this is Clara's first day here so everybody be kind to her, you've all been new!"
When the group session was finished I walked up to the woman who worked here, her name was Zoey.
"Could I go to my room?"
She looked at her watch and then at me, she nodded.
"Sure! But lunch is in half an hour."
My stomach turned at that word.
I only knew one girl in here, we had been in the hospital together.
She walked up to me and handed me a water bottle.
"Here! I remember you drank a lot of water. During the meals you're not allowed to drink more than one glass of water.. so, yeah!"
I thanked her for the water and walked into my room.
I sat down on the bed and played with the bottle. It felt heavy in my weak hands. So heavy. I put it down on the floor and laid down on my bed. My room was very clean, white. But with a painting of a flower, and a brown table with an actual flower on it.
The room also had a window, which was locked. As usual.

*Knock knock*

I jumped because of the sudden noise, and got up to answer it.
I opened the door to reveal a tall, lanky boy.

"Hi! Uh.. I'm sorry to bother you but I figured you might want a tour..?"

It was the guy with curly hair who smiled at me earlier.
"Thanks but I've already been given a tour.. when I visited this place a week ago."
He got flushed and immediately looked down.
"O-okey.. well.. Then I'm gonna.. go now.."
He stumbled away awkwardly and mumbled something while he walked down the hallway.
I felt bad because he got so embarrassed. He was only being nice.
I ran after him.
I tapped him on his shoulder and he turned around with a chocked expression on his face.
"Wait! I'm sorry, what's your name?" I said and smiled.
"Finn Wolfhard"
I nodded, "cool name"
"Thanks"
"Are you from around here?"
"No, I'm from Vancouver, Canada. And you?"
"Wow, Canada huh? Sorry but what is the deal with maple syrup?"
He laughed.
"I don't know.. I haven't eaten it since Ana came around."
Ana as in anorexia.
"And when was that?" I asked.
He counted on his fingers,
"Hmm 5 years ago.."
"Wow, how old are you?"
"I'm 17 years old."
"Okay, me too."
"So.. what do you do around here?" I asked him.
"Not much, not much"
I looked around the room and noticed one girl just sitting in the sofa, starring in front of her. An empty look on her face.
Mouth wide open.
"Are you okay Lisa?" Finn said to her.
She didn't answer, I don't even think she heard him.
I walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder very lightly.
"DON'T TOUCH ME !" She snapped out of her trans and looked angry right into my eyes. She looked like she hadn't slept in a long time.
Her breath smelled like ammoniac, and I understood that she hadn't eaten in a while. I backed off and just sat down next to Finn again.
He smiled at me and nodded, like he was telling me I tried and that she's a lost case. But nobody is a lost case. Unless you decide that yourself. That you won't let the help get to you. That's when it gets hard, especially if you're on the verge of death. Cause that's when people nag, they are all over you. If you ask for anything they have to do it, cause you have the power. You have control over yourself and others. Even though you're not in control anymore, it's the voices. The sickness controls you. Even though the people around you try to control you.

"It's time for food!" Another lady called Sara yelled out.
My pulse raised, and I started breathing faster.
"It's okay Clara. You don't have to eat up, you just have to eat." Zoey said and patted my arm.
You just have to eat.
It's not "just", that's huge. Eating hurts so much, and treating it like it's nothing makes it so much harder for me.
My nostrils flared and my eyes started to water.
"I-I need to go!" I ran off to my room. Finn turned around and looked at me run off.
When I got to my room I laid down on the floor and started to do sit-ups. That always calmed my nerves.
Tears ran down my cheeks and my vision became blurry.
I wasn't ready for this. I was just here to please my parents, but I didn't want to become healthy yet.

This was not what I wanted.
I had to leave.
I stood up and wiped away the tears.
I looked at the closed window and figured I could crash the window.
I took a step back and tried to kick it. That obviously didn't work, I backed more and tried running towards it, to smash it, but instead I just got knocked out.