Timeless

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The funny thing about death is that one never quite knows what to expect from it. Everyone always has so many questions.

Will it be painless?

Is there an afterlife?

What happens next?

Everyone is faced with the cold hard reality that no matter what, we all will eventually die. I always thought that there was something beautiful about the inevitability of death. The finality of it. You get one chance to create whatever kind of world you can imagine.
You have the opportunity to forge your own paths and play a game of roulette with every decision you make.

And then, in the blink of an eye, everything you ever worked for and every mountain you've ever climbed becomes irrelevant. Suddenly, it's all gone.

I used to treat death like a game that one would play on a cliff. I'd skirt too close to the edge and see what lengths I could go to before I'd fall.

I took my life for granted, and it will forever be my biggest mistake.

See, I got my act together not too long ago and decided to make an actual life for myself. No more rolling the dice and testing the limits of my brother's trust. I knew that I couldn't possibly make a home in the shadows with nothing and no one. Maybe I could open my eyes and realize that the only way to receive love was to give it to other people. I made the decision to love Brunnhilde and soon found that she loved me too. And yes, I chose not to ignore Thor's love for me. I even showed him that I loved him in some strange way.

From that point on, I made it my mission to always put others before me, no matter how drastic the change was.

So I tried to play the hero.

Didn't that just work out wonderfully for me?

✧✦✧

Like the stubborn bastard I was, I stayed conscious to the end. Maybe it could've been easier if I hadn't been.

I did what I could. I sacrificed the Tesseract for my brother's life, and I realized that it was time to sacrifice my own.

It was a stupid decision really. Going at Thanos with a dagger. It was impulsive. If I was to die at the hands of Thanos, I wanted to die fighting. After all, Thor told me that I was a terrible brother, and I believed him.

So in some insane last-ditch effort to save the day, I tried to kill Thanos.

And failed.

The Tesseract's power stopped my arm in mid-motion. Thanos smirked, twisting my arm backward as I fought to pull away from him. His hand closed around my neck, and I could feel the air leaving my lungs. He lifted me off of my feet as I struggled to loosen his grip, kicking at the air and pulling at the cold metal of the gauntlet.

It was of no use. I gasped for air, hot tears blurring my vision. At that moment, I realized that there was no one else in the remaining eight realms, no one else in the entire universe, that I hated as much as I hated Thanos. He was going to take everything from me. Thor would be alone for the rest of his life if I let Thanos win.

But what hurt the most was realizing that I couldn't do anything to stop him. The only weapon I had left was my words. With the last few breaths I had left, I told Thanos exactly what I thought of him.

"You...will never be....a god." I choked out, struggling to do something as simple as form words.

All that sick bastard did was smirk, and I hated him all the more for it. Darkness fringed around the edges of my vision. His grip on my neck tightened, and I blacked out right after I heard the sickening sound of something getting snapped.

I'd never imagined death to feel so nauseating. I felt dizzy and sluggish as if I had a terrible hangover.

I was dimly aware of Thor's muffled screams of horror, though I didn't quite understand how. I thought that I had lost consciousness when he snapped my neck, but I could still feel and see everything as Thanos dropped my body at Thor's feet.

The strangest part about it all was that though I knew I was falling through the air, I never felt the impact when my body hit the ground.

Instead, my stomach lurched as gravity reversed itself and sent me flying upward at an incomprehensible speed. I could see my body lying there, and I watched as Thor cried over it before the ship was obliterated.

Something inside of me knew that Thor would be safe. It was not his day to die.

But apparently, it was mine.

I felt tingly all over as if I was covered in thousands of pins and needles. I thought I heard someone screaming. Maybe it was me. Hot, almost skin-blistering tears streamed down my face as I rocketed through a black abyss.

Am I crying?

Do I really care that much about getting back to him? About getting back to Brunnhilde and the surviving Asgardians?

I can't just abandon them.

I can't.

And I won't.

I started fighting against the light that was growing closer by the minute, and Norns, it was beautiful.

But I have to fight. I can't give in. Not now.

I'm still needed. I can't go yet.

I had prepared myself countless times for my death, but oddly enough, I wasn't ready.

I was still fighting as I was dragged into the light, and someone had to silence my screams when I got to the other side.

"Shh, it's okay, Loki. It's okay now. You're safe."

"No! Let me go!!!" I screamed, fighting against the strange creature's grip as they tried to hold me back.

The darkness behind me was fading. I needed to get to it. I needed to get to Thor.

"You don't understand! Thor, he needs me! I can't leave him!"

They tried in vain to reason with me, shaking me and pulling my arms back, but I fought tooth and nail to get back to the shrinking black abyss. In the back of my mind, I vaguely recognized their voice.

"Please! You have to let me go before it's too late! Let me go!!!!"

I screamed and shouted until my throat was raw, but the creature's hold on me never loosened, and the darkness soon disappeared without a trace.

"You don't understand. He...he needs me. I need to get back to Thor." I begged.

The creature ran its fingers through my hair gently and caught me as I nearly collapsed from exhaustion on the golden streets of Valhalla.

"Loki, look at me."

I panted, out of breath, as I turned to look at her, perhaps seeing her for the first time.

"Mother?"

"I'm here, Loki. It's going to be okay. I've got you."

And she wasn't lying. She held me there in her arms as I sobbed and mumbled incoherently about going back to Thor. She nodded and listened to every word I said, rubbing small circles on my back and calming me down as I sat there next to her.

I'd never felt such raw, exposed emotion. Thanos was right when he said that he would make me long for something as sweet as pain.

From start to finish, I told Mother everything about what had happened since her death. She listened intently, slowly rocking me back and forth like she used to when I was a child. Strangely, I didn't mind.

For then, I was just content to be there with her.

But contentedness never lasts for long.