Hopeless Romantic

Introduction

Growing up I was always uncomfortable with myself. I didn't have the best clothes, I barely had friends, and I couldn't even walk in the hallway without feeling like everyone was better than me. Nobody bullied me , or told me I was lame, I just felt like I was.
I remember sitting down at the lunch table by myself every day, looking around for my one good friend Tajari. You see, Tajari was like my other half. She's this beautiful dark skin girl, short but thick, nice black curly hair, and as shy as can be. However I was the complete opposite. I'm light skin with kinky curly hair..but not the good type of curly. I mean the type of curly that's the aftermath of heat damage mixed with kool-aid dyed red hair, taller than most girls my age, and slightly pretty with the body of a basketball player .
Every day we would meet up at lunch to talk about the latest gossip and the hottest guys, but all that changed the summer of my 8th grade year.
You see, Tajari always had problems at home. Her mother was in love with a thug, the type of man I dreamed of. And with those problems came unwanted responsibilities... such as taking care of her little siblings while they were out doing whatever it is that they do. Long story short, she had to move in with her uncle to get away from her moms lifestyle, and just that fast.. I lost my one and only friend.

"But what do you mean you have to leave?" I asked miserably.

"Mercedes , I don't want to I-I just have to get away"

"I understand that , but you can't just leave me hanging.. I mean it's FRESHMAN year, who else am I going to talk to ?"

She didn't text back after I said that. I mean I know I can sound inconsiderate at times, but I promise I don't mean to. Of course I was sad when she told me she's moving, but the only thing that was really on my mind is how I'm going to survive high school alone.
I spent my whole summer planing. I went shopping almost daily, died my hair black , and attempted to find stylish outfits. I practiced interacting with strangers, and took classes on "how to be the life of the party" . I was desperate. Really desperate.

With the first day of school approaching I was nervous.

"Mom, can I ask you something"

"Sure baby, what's on your mind? "

"Well..with school starting tomorrow..I'm scared, what if nobody likes me ? What if I get bullied or shoved in to a locker or something"

"Girl, what type of movies have you watched lately? That shit doesn't really happen, you'll be okay" she said hysterically.

My mom had it easy. Back when she was in high school, everyone loved her. She was captain of the cheer team, dated D1 athletes , and she was president of the student body. She never felt what being a looser is like, so coming to her for advice is kind of pointless, but... she's all that I got. My parents aren't divorced or anything, but the only advice my dad can give is "fuck them" with a shrug of his muscular, tattooed shoulders.

"Baby, you have to understand that confidence is what's going to get you through the next four years, without confidence.. you might as well not even go to school.. because it's just going to be miserable for you"

I really took what she had to say into consideration. I looked at her uneasily and gave her a kiss on her cheek . "Goodnight mom" I said, scurrying to my room to find my outfit for tomorrow. Before going to bed , I said a little prayer .. basically asking god to get me through high school with no worries. Then slowly but surely .. I fell into a deep sleep .. dreaming about tomorrow.