Kung magbibigay ka na lang din, eh lubos-lubusin mo na.
Yan ang dahilan kung bakit sa araw-araw na ginawa ng diyos eh heto ako sa tabi at iniisip kung saan ba talaga ako nagkulang. I can't seem to fathom where in hell did I go wrong when in fact I gave them everything, to the extent na halos wala nang matira sa sarili ko. Hindi naman ako nagsisisi na ginawa ko yun pero bakit parang di pa din sapat? Bakit parang ako pa ang mali? Ako pa ang naging masama. What makes me more sad is the fact that they think na ginawa ko yun kasi gusto ko, so lumalabas dito na sinusuportahan nila ako sa desisyon ko "kuno" sa buhay. The Fudge?!! Ganun na ba talaga ako sa paningin nila? Just because I appear to be tough on the outside, yung tipong walang pakialam sa paligid niya doesn't mean I'm not hurting inside.
I was actually trying to think of reasons of where could I possibly gone wrong when someone pats me on my arm. Napatingin ako sa kanya at nakita ko si Hannah with an expectant expression written on her face, trying to again ask me for who knows how many times this day.
"Ang lalim ah. So, what is really bothering you? It's like you've been staring at the doorway for about, hmm. Let me think.. " Hannah said, pretending to think deeply.
"Wala. " and I pretend to continue, scribbling my boss schedule for that week on my notes.
Hannah exclaimed exxageratedly saying, "wow ah! Wala? Talaga?! Eh halos two hours kang naka-nganga diyan eh." "Wala nga, mind your monkey business. Diyan ka na nga, di ako matatapos dito. Ang ingay mo kasi", sabay tayo at alis sa harap nya.
"Heh! Pangit na 'to. Concerned lang naman ako sayong bruha ka! Ilang araw ka ng ganyan. Tseh! Bahala ka nga sa buhay mo. 'Nga pala libre mo akong lunch mamaya, wis me kwarta eh. Labyu besh. " sabay flying kiss at ngisi sakin.
'Di ko na lang pinansin and went back to scribbling. Nasanay na din ako sa ganyang ugali niya eh. Di naman kami yung matatawag na bestfriends kasi wala pa atang isang taon na nakilala ko sya, she's a neophyte on the office where I'm working on, and the fact that she's assigned as the boss 'other' secretary makes the two of us close enough to talk that way. By the way, I am also the CEO Secretary, I've been working for three years already as Madame Krishanniah Harrison secretary, I am the one in-charge of her schedule and all those secretaries job description stuff, and Hannah Perez, is only assign on some minor roles like encoding, brewing coffee and the likes, so technically, Hannah is like my assistant, if there is such thing as Assistant Secretary. Lol
I am also a married woman. Yes. You read it right. Unfortunately Married. Kasal na. Nakatali na. Well, its been what, a year or so? Who knows. I don't really keep track of that thing. I am a married woman. You maybe thinking now, so what is there to freak about? Why do you seem so sad or rather sarcastic about it.
Well, maybe because my marriage was unlike any other marriage out there. It is not a marriage of love. Not for business as well, hindi naman kasi kami mayaman. But it is a marriage of tradition. A marriage to preserve the honor of the family. I don't know. Pero para sakin, this marriage is a cage. Its a trap. Its coercion. That is how I define my life as of the moment. I am caged. I am forced. I had no way to voice out my sentiments towards this crap. Why? Because I was born to follow and upheld family traditions. And it hurts. This marriage thing is purely a load of bullsh*ts! But, I had no way out.
I am Mika Raine Fontanilla. And this is my story.
Authors note:
I survive! Lol Basa lang, libre na din lait. ☺ thanks! See you next chappy.
