The One I Love

08:00

"What are you looking at?" Hanbin asks through a mouthful of noodles.

"Nothing." Jennie laughs, but does not look away. Her chin rests on her palm as she observes him. He's really nothing like anything she's ever seen before.

He reminds her simultaneously of an old man and a young child. He's gruff and graceless, but has innocent eyes. His glasses sit on the top of his head from when he'd push them up in annoyance after they kept fogging up from the ramen. The cuff of his right sleeve is stained with ink from grazing across his notes.

He absently licks his lips, turning his head in embarrassment under her gaze.

They spent more time together with meetings for their group project. And after each meeting Jennie would insist they go out for a drink.

After that day they first drank together, Hanbin had stopped asking questions about Hayi.

Instead, he would ask more and more questions about Jaewon. At first it was only one or two questions. Other times it would feel like an interview.

"How long have you been dating?" Hanbin asks through swigs of beer.

Jennie looks thoughtful.

"A long time."

"How long is a long time?"

"Four months."

"That's not a long time."

"It isn't?" Jennie muses with a small smile. Hanbin scoffs.

"What do you like about him?"

"His car."

Hanbin looks scandalized, but Jennie doubts he's ever been in a relationship. She's never asked, but she increasingly suspects that Hanbin has been relentlessly pining for Hayi.

In a way, this makes Hanbin her ally. Two idiots.

"My class reunion is this weekend." Jennie changes the subject. She pours another drink. "Should I go?"

"You should take me." Hanbin suggests, half-jokingly. His cheeks are pink. She's slowly turned him into a drinker.

"I will." She promises casually. "What if Hayi shows up? I'll take you."

Hanbin stills, but doesn't protest.

...

To Jennie's surprise, even as the days pass, Hanbin doesn't change his mind. When they get to the reunion, Nayeon and Jungyeon are already there.

Nayeon gives her a small hug and Jungyeon starts to excitedly introduce Hanbin to the rest of their classmates. Jennie glances at him from time to time to see if he regrets following her here after all.

"He's popular in our department." The short haired girl brags, most likely feeling as if she were the reason he came to the reunion.

"Jungyeon told us your boyfriend was a gangster." Nayeon smiled patiently. "But he's a clean cut pre-med student?"

"Ah, I'm not her boyfriend." Hanbin answers sheepishly. Jennie sips at her drink. "But her boyfriend isn't a gangster, he's also preparing for medical school. He's a graduating senior in our department."

"He does have tattoos and long hair, though!" Jungyeon giggles, causing everyone to laugh.

"Well, Jennie's always been capable with guys." One of the other classmates mentions.

"Leave her alone." Nayeon warns with a raised brow, keeping her gaze on Hanbin. "So, why are you here?"

"Ah, Jennie and I actually have a mutual friend. Lee Hayi."

A cold wind blows through the restaurant. Nayeon nearly chokes as Jennie continues casually sipping at her beer.

Nayeon excuses herself, dragging Jennie with her to the back of the restaurant. It was almost like the dream she'd had.

"Jennie, you're in your twenties, why are you still like this?" Nayeon chastises her. "Jungyeon gives me updates, you know?"

"A loyal spy."

"Jennie."

"I thought I was over it." Jennie answers honestly. "But then that guy came and dug everything up... You know, he sticks to me like glue and still hangs around me, even though he knows I'm a murderer."

She feels the quick sting of Nayeon's hand against her cheek.

"You didn't kill Hayi." Nayeon scolds in exasperation. "Fuck, Jennie. You need to stop saying that, okay? People will misunderstand your metaphorical self-loathing."

"But I did kill her. In my head. So many times."

"Jen, let's go back to the table or I'm going to stick your head in the toilet. I'm not indulging your melodrama today."

"I missed you, Nayeon." Jennie gives her friend another hug.

"I missed you, too." Nayeon squeezes her back with a smile. They head back toward the table with everyone else. "Yoongi says hi, by the way. He just got accepted to a company."

"Does that mean you'll get married soon?"

"No!" A voice from the table shouts as they get closer. "Nayeon, don't you dare be the first one in our class to get married!"

Jennie sits back down laughing as the attention turns to Nayeon. She pours herself another drink, taking long comforting gulps.

"Slow down." Hanbin leans in to whisper, a hand gently on her shoulder.

"shouldn't you slow down?" a voice asked as she sat outside in the garden. a sudden rain had caused the dilapidated dirt to bloom with life.

"what do you mean?" jennie asked in annoyance.

"you're dating yoongi?" minho voiced rhetorically. "you barely know each other."

"well, i've known you for years and we're not dating." jennie quipped.

he shot her a look before letting out a sigh.

"jennie."

"just kidding!" she swung her legs from the bench. "i like yoongi, isn't that enough?"

"you do, you like him?"

"why would i date someone i don't like?" she mused, pouting her lips.

the metal of the bench felt cold against her legs. she tried not to overthink minho's questioning, or how he had found her in the garden. this had become her getaway, her secret place she shared with yoongi.

her eyes swept over him slowly as he stood in front of her. she gave him a sad smile. he looked tired.

"what?" he asked in surprise at her change in expression. "why are you looking at me like that?"

"are you okay?" she kicked at the dirt under her feet. "i heard your mom isn't doing well. are you okay?"

the emotions crashed across his body like a flame overtaking a piece of paper. slowly at first, and then with quick devastation.

minho broke down, falling to the ground with stilted movements. he rest his head on her lap as he cried, kneeling in front of her like a child.

she held onto him tightly.

"everything will be okay." she told him, but it was a lie.

had hayi ever seen him cry? jennie wondered.

this was the second time she'd seen him cry. had hayi ever seen this side of him, or did she only ever lean on him?

"i'm scared." minho confessed quietly, so quiet that jennie wondered if it were meant for her to hear.

"i'm here." jennie whispered as she stroked his hair, matted as if he hadn't washed it in a few days. "i'll always be here for you."

why did her words of comfort sound like a declaration of war?

minho slumped into her touch. she looked like madonna with her baby cradled in her arms.

there was an immense swell of power in her gentle, deep breaths.