The star in my eyes

That star in my eyes

Waking up every morning was the best part of my day, especially when I was at my nanas house which is the one place I would always want to be, I would lye in bed and just stare at the Virgin Mary Framed picture on the wall, not making a sound but at the same time waiting to hear a noise or a sign that would indicate my nana being awake- being young I didn't care weather it was 5:30am ... But of course my nana did.

I would creep into her room so so quietly but of course she would sense I was in the room,

Short in height small and fragile was my nana, partly blind and worsening as the days went by, but the most strongest beautifulest caring woman ever

I would sit beside her bed and play with her watch that would tell you the time when you pressed a little button (for the vision impaired) and eat her barley sugars that with out fail would be in her top drawer of her side table. And we would sit there and chat until the room started lightening up.

Once awake we would get ready for church, weather it was the weekend or a weekday there would be an event at church that nana would need to attend.

President of New Zealand's woman's catholic league... I never knew what it ment but I knew she was a very important Person in the eyes of our church members.

I would love walking to church with nana, she literally lived 4 doors down from our church

The sun always rose from behind the church and it was just so pretty.

I tried dressing just like nana and even got her to put make up on for me, I still remember the rose scented perfume I would wear of hers

Ever since I was a baby I would be surrounded by the elderly church members greeting me, punching my cheeks and telling me "when you were this little..."

I sat in the front row holding my little head high sitting next to my nana holding her hand and in my other hand my rosary beads,

I loved it when it was nanas turn up on stage I would always have a cheeky grin on my face and wouldn't take my eyes off her, during prayers she would always look at me and shoot me a sneaky wink.

So many memories of my you gets days living in what was my home town, makes me so happy and sad all in one, we moved 5 hours away from there and it all stopped no church, and the worst part ...

Being away from the person whom everyone considered the star in my eyes my nana.

I missed her a lot and wrote to her, talked on the phone but everytime it was different, she was different, my connection with her felt different

Was it me or was my poor old nana getting older?- you know as they do.

I never understood what happened when you get old when I was younger I didn't know what Alzheimer's was nor dementia either, it wasn't till years after she passed away I learnt what it was when I worked in a dementia unit and studied healthcare

Everything then made sense to me

For so long I blamed my mum and my self for not always ringing her as often as I could and for us moving away, but It was all clear

I felt closure and I still remember to this day going home and doing a prayer in hope that she was listening, I told her I understood what happened and I blamed myself but it wasn't her nor me it was the way of life

My nana did everything she could possibly do for everyone and anyone, people say I'm

Just like her, I try my hardest to be what she would want for me, I've taken some wrong tracks in life so far but I'm learning from

Every mistake and building on it each time

I want her to be happy for me in whatever I choose to be, I will never intentionally choose the wrong path she's always on my mind and forever will be, I pray every now and then hoping she's there listening to me.

Until we meet again .