Couch Surfer

Three's Company

Lynn and I watch the man in our kitchen from the doorway. He knows we are there but is acting like he doesn't, just drinking the cup of tea I made him robotically. Lynn occasionally glares at me, she hadn't been too impressed I'd invited a stranger into our home, but I have a soft spot. He had needed help. I'm surprised I haven't been assaulted yet. "Is he staying the night?" Lynn asked me quietly.
"I don't know, maybe?" I say.
"The fuck do you mean by maybe?" She hisses.
"I mean maybe, if he can sort something out then he can go, but if he can't, I guess he's staying."
"Who even is he, anyway? He looks really familiar but I've never seen him before in my life." She said.
"You get that feeling too?" I ask. Lynn shrugs.
"It's really gonna bug me." She says.
"Well, if we want to know who he is, we can just ask him..." I say. The man sighs.
"I can hear you two, just to let you know." He said. I grumble, walking into the kitchen and sitting on the countertop. "Alright... so who are you then?"
"I'm David. Callcott."
"Alright David... why are you here?"
"You see, when a man and a woman love each other very much-"
"Very funny. Haven't heard that joke before." I cut him off. Lynn raises an eyebrow at me. She's going to tease me about this later. "What are you doing here?"
"My wife, or rather, ex-wife kicked me out. I guess I got rat-arsed, but that doesn't explain how I ended up here, unless I took a plane whilst drunk... wait, I don't doubt that actually..." He said, looking reflective.
"Plane?"
"I live in New York." He shrugged with a shameful grin. "The fuck?" I exclaim.
"Yeah, thing is, I've managed to lose all of my money and my phone... any chance I could make a few calls on your landline, maybe sort out a place to stay? I don't want to bug you and your friend for too long." He said, looking over at Lynn. I sigh. "Use my mobile, knock yourself out." I say, handing him my phone.
"Thanks." He says, taking it and heading into the bathroom after a little searching. He shut the door.

DAVID:

I sit on the side of the bath, typing in numbers. Martins number. No answer. Fletch. No answer. Alan. Come on Alan, pick up the phone. No answer. I was really hoping Alan would pick up, him living the closest, if anyone could help me out, it would be him, if he even wanted to. I try again. He was likely not picking up because it was an unknown number, and the whole Depeche Mode and Recoil thing usually meant getting called by random numbers asking for an interview or several other types of bollocks that the ordinary man doesn't have to deal with. I get through to somewhere, it's not Alan, it's his voicemail. I sigh heavily before speaking. "Alan, it's me, Dave. You'll never guess where I've found myself. Basildon of all places, bloody hometown, shit as ever... but I'm absolutely stranded, like, no money, nowhere to stay, I'm using this girls phone she's let me borrow. I need a favour of you man, I really do... call me back when you get this, please Alan." I say. I end the message and send it. I doubt he'll even get it, probably only goes through the voicemails just to clean them out. I catch a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. Red, bleary eyes, dark circles, pale skin and slack jaw. I look like a zombie, I look high. I'm just tired, still slightly tipsy from the day, but a hangover creeping in like a sunrise. I splash water over my face in the sink, drinking some. I dry my face and leave the bathroom. I hand the lady's phone back to her. "Thanks, I didn't get through to them but thanks." I say. She smiles sympathetically while I rub my temple, I notice her flat mate glancing at her, not privy to their non-verbal conversation, I turn back to my tea. What was I supposed to do now? I had nowhere to stay, no money, no means of getting back home, if it even was home still, no doubt my wife - ex-wife will be making some changes now. The girl and her friend have left now, they are in the living room talking about me. I'm not particularly listening. I realise that I never caught their names.

ALEX:

"I'm not saying he stays forever, just for now, he's obviously having a bad night." I say.
"No, we don't know him! He could hurt us!" Lynn growls, she is certainly not keen on having this man around any longer. I scoff. "Come on Lynn, we can defend ourselves if we need to, but I think he's being genuine."
"Maybe, but he's bigger than us, bigger muscles..."
"It's not the size, it's how you use it." I say.
"Did you seriously just make a penis reference? Now? At this moment?" She says, exasperation in her voice. I grin. "I'm surprised at you, did you really expect me, of all people, to be serious in a serious moment?" I laugh.
"Not really, no, but I hoped..." She said, calming down slightly now, I sigh. "Look, -" I start, interrupted by the door ringing. "Saved by the bell..." I grunt, walking to answer it, David is watching from the kitchen. I open it. It was... Mason, the neighbour.

I did not like Mason, he was unpleasant to talk to, always in your personal space, eyes that wandered too much and too long for comfort, a habit of trying to touch your arm and too much eye contact. There has also been a few instances where he has tried to lure me into his flat, not that I'd been stupid enough to fall for it.

"What do you want Mason?" I say tiredly.
"Just wondered if you'd like to come to me party..." He said in a wheezy breath. Too many cigarettes. "Now? When it's almost nine at night, when all your guests are leaving?"
"Well, it's my birthday and it's only polite to invite the neighbours." He said, ignoring what I was implying. "So, how about it?"
"Does that mean I get to come too?" Lynn says sarcastically. "Happy birthday Mason, didn't realise it was September already." She said, glancing at the calendar on the wall, which clearly read JULY. I narrow my eyes. "You know, I was thinking of just spending the night indoors, maybe next time?" I say. Mason shifted uncomfortably, before grabbing my wrist. "Please come, you'll have such a good time!" He said, trying to pull me along. I recoil and I notice David get up in the kitchen and walk over quickly. Mason was surprised to see him, dropping my wrist. I get behind David. "You heard the lady, she'd rather stay in... it's best you leave, nice guy like you shouldn't have any trouble finding another girl to bring home." He said coldly, Mason just looked down and walked away, David shut the door and turns to me and Lynn. "What's that guys deal?" He said, pulling a face. Lynn spoke to David directly for the first time. "Dudes obsessed with Alex here, can't let her rest, always tryna get her alone... I just wanna arrest that freak."
"What a creep... he's got to be about 50 odd years older than you, does he always bug you like this?" He asks with concern, turned to me.
"Near enough every week I'm dealing with him." I say casually, it's become such a frequent occurrence that it's now commonplace. "Well, usually, but I think he might hang back a bit, I think you've spooked him." Lynn said to David, before sighing and saying. "Look, alright, I guess you can stay a little while, least until you're sorted, you might keep Mason away as well, which would be nice..."
"Are you sure, I'm not just a burden?"
"Eh, maybe you could try and get some money, help pay rent, but we'll manage for the moment." She says. She pulls a lever on the couch and it pops out into a sofa-bed, she straightens it out. "Let me just get some blankets and shit..." Lynn says, going off into the laundry room. Dave looked down at the sofa-bed. "I know, not glamorous but, could be worse." I say.
"Yeah well, I've had worse, this isn't so bad..."
"Right... so, you say you're living in New York but, you're not American, where you really from?"
"You'd be surprised... I'm from round here."
"Well, the accent fits, but how'd you manage to get out of this shit hole?"
"Well, you know, it's not that important, I just made enough money to move." He shrugs, Lynn walks back in with some sheets and pillows. "Hey, I just have to go get you some blankets, then it's time we go to bed, I'm on patrol tomorrow." She said, leaving and returning with an old duvet, she hands it to David. "Here, it's not very thick, or very comfy but, it's all we have right now." She said.
"Thanks..." He said, taking it. "And thanks for letting me stay, you two are really doing me a massive favour, really. When I have the means, I'll pay you back."
"It's alright, just try and sleep, you're probably very tired, and probably going to have a very bad experience with jet lag."
"Thanks... by the way, I never got your names..."
"I'm Lynn, she's Alex." She said, flicking her head in my direction. He smiles. "Well, night Alex, night Lynn, see you in the morning." He groans, as he lowers himself onto his place of rest for the night, the metal hinges creak and squeal, it hadn't been down for a while. "Night." I say, heading to my room, Lynn does the same. We go to bed.