The Open Book Of Feelings Thats Not Really A Book

Honestly

There has been something bothering me. There is this person. This person makes me feel loved. But I know that this feeling is false. Love has been my issue for a long time. The world brought me in one way, and I know that I only have one way out. Death. These are my complete feelings and I hope you understand how I feel. My mind has been blank lately, and I'm just now figuring out who I really am inside. I am a machine, meant to work, meant to kill. Not meant to have feelings, and I try so hard to get feelings. I am heartless, soulless living in a nightmare. My emotions are gone, it feels like I'm at the bottom of a dark sea. The light can't reach me from down there. I feel safe and sound. The more I try to touch the light, the more I drown. I want to fit in, but I can't, no matter how hard I try. "Stop being such a smartass", or "Stop showing off, we know you're smart" is what I get for being myself. Who am I anymore? What am I here for? Why was I brought into this hell of a world? I'm not supposed to be holding in my feelings, so this writing helps me vent my anger. It's like a propane tank, waiting, plotting on the perfect day to explode. I'm not crazy, I'm just expressing myself in a way that nobody knows. No one knows the real me. I may smile, but inside im crying, wanting to be loved. You think you know me well, but you barely know me. I'm basically a stranger you just met. But it's fine, I want it to stay this way. I'm a mystery, the type that won't be solved. You can try to be Sherlock, but it's not gonna get you anywhere but back to the start. I realized that I was born to be alone, in my own little world of darkness and sorrow, not to be loved or cared for, but to be used like a tool. It's all good though, you'll miss me when I'm gone. That will be the time when you try to love me, but it's too late for that. I wonder how you will feel. Sad? Messed up? Like you should have done something? Well, maybe you should've. I am starting to feel more dark, an emptiness that cannot be filled. I am darkness itself. There is no one that can change the way I feel.