Small Things Hurt Most

Try

"Yeah, really! America had gotten so drunk, I swear he tried to eat his phone!" Sealand couldn't help but giggle as Denmark told him about one his adventures with America and Prussia. Denmark, after releasing him from the tight hug, had sat down on the bathroom floor while Sealand sat on the edge of the bathtub. He had slipped back on his shirt, and they had started to talk.
They had started to talk about ten minutes ago, and they had talked endlessly since then. They talked about video games, and they both told stories about their friends. Denmark at one point suggested Sealand coming with him, America and Prussia sometime, which he refused. He knew thing tended to get crazy with those three.
After his giggling stopped, Sealand felt Denmark's strong grip on his hands. His happy, Danish smile has been replaced with a calm and serious frown. A part of Sealand was scared by the sudden change.
"Sea, I know you can be serious. I've seen it. So can you be honest with me for a little while?" Denmark said quietly. Something in Sealand's stomach dropped. It was a topic he knew they would have to talk about eventually, but he didn't want to. He wanted to keep his mind off of the horrible feelings. "Yeah, I can," Sealand said, swallowing the lump in his throat, " I'll be honest."
Denmark smiled faintly. "Now can ya tell me why you panicked like that?"
"I don't know why."
"These things have a cause. And ya know what? I don't care what that reason is. I don't care how small you think that reason is, if something happened, I need to know. Please, Sea."
"I told you, I don't know why." Sealand felt bad lying, but the truth was embarrassing. He hated feeling so hated. He wanted to tell the truth, he felt Denmark deserved to know, but he was too scared. Denmark tried again.
" Did someone say something to ya?"
Sealand shook his head. It was what they thought, not what they said aloud.
"Did someone hurt or threaten ya?"
Not unless you counted himself as someone. He shook his head again.
"Are ya mad? Upset?"
This time he didn't shake his head. He didn't do anything until Denmark spoke again, even quieter. Sealand wanted to scream that he was mad at everyone; at himself. He wished he were stronger. That he wasn't so weak. He wished he was brave enough to tell the truth. He wanted to say that he could barely stand to look at himself. Sealand looked into Denmark's eyes. He wanted to be honest as those blue eyes looked at him kindly.
"Denmark?" Sealand asked, staring down.
"Hmm?"
"What if...like," Sealand wanted to explain, but his mouth couldn't find the right words. Denmark held his hands tighter. "Take your time." Denmark said gently. Sealand took a deep breath. " Do I have to say everything now?" Sealand said after a minute. He wanted to say something, but not everything. Especially not the cutting, he didn't want to have to explain just why.
"Not if ya don't want to."
"What if I'm mad at myself?"
Denmark seemed surprised at that. His eyes grew wider and his grip on Sealand's hands got even tighter. "Sea, what do ya mean?"
"I'm mad at myself, okay? Do I really have to explain what that means?" It came out snappier than he meant it to, and he didn't mean to sound rude, but he was having second thoughts about telling him. Denmark sighed. He looked at Sealand with surprisingly empathetic eyes that tugged at Sealand's heart.
"Yer mad at yourself, huh? I know how that feels. I've definitely wanted to throat punch myself a good few times. But ya know what?"
"What?"
" Finny, Sve and Nor were always there. Well maybe Finny and Sve not so much, but Norway was. They all listened and helped a lot, ya know? Talking helps. So how about ya talk to me? Why are ya mad at yourself?"
Sealand swallowed. At the moment at least, it seemed Denmark loved him. Maybe even respected him.
But that was why he didn't want to tell him what was wrong. He cared about him now, but what if he realized how weak he was? How little he even mattered?  He would leave him, and take the other Nordics with him. Leave just like England had. Just like his soldiers had, who went home to their families. Went back to the people they actually loved. But at the same time he knew Denmark deserved to know at least some of the truth. So after a deep breath, he began to explain. To at least try.