Out of the blue | SOONHOON FF

When time passes

Jihoon's pov:

At this moment there's no way I can think rationally. Without Soonyoung I can't do anything, I can't live peacefully.

It's been 2 weeks without him.

2 weeks of endless pain and confusion building inside of me and slowly taking away all my happiness.

2 weeks of carving for his voice, his touch, his hugs, his love, every single part of him.

2 weeks of constantly reapeating all the things he said to me, making sure I won't forget them.

If only I could go back in time, and hold onto him so he wouldn't leave my side. I could be happy again for a while...

Until I'd realize that in the end, I'd only be trapping him in a place he doesn't want to be, with a person he doesn't love anymore.
And that just breaks my heart more. Because no matter how much I would've tried, he would have still left.

No matter how much I try now, I still spend my nights thinking about where we went wrong, wondering what could I have done to make him love me the way i loved him.
Sleep isn't something I can easily achieve anymore, but when I finally get the chance to, Soonyoung pops up in my dreams somehow. And waking means returning back to the cruel reality, where Soonyoung doesn't love no more.

Day time is even whorse. There's nothing I can do. I used to write songs, but since I'm alone, I keep composing sad, heartbreaking lyrics that create such a big contrast with all the previous energetic and lovely ones. Soonyoung's friends, Chan, Jun and Minghao are also worried, and they sometimes come up to me and try to make me feel better, but there's only one person who can make me laugh and smile like there's no tomorrow. And that person is gone.

Just like everyone, he took all of me and left.

And even so, it's like I can't escape. My heart lingers in the same place, at the same time. While everyone changes, I keep living in the past. Everything finds its place but I can't find mine. Once my small world that was into Soonyoung's arms disappeared, I can only wonder in space, recalling every moment of it until I find myself in another one.

And hopefully then, his name won't hurt as much as it does now.