Dear World

To The World

(I am fully aware the contest is over. I just want to start over.)

A letter to The World from me:

Let me start over. Rewind what I've done, and share just a little something. And this something is my writing.

Hi. I'm Catherine, and I'm a shitshow. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, I have no idea how to carefully construct friendships, I have no idea how to do anything. My actions are abstractly built from the thoughts my mind creates, and even then, nothing feels right.

Colleges are not even in my head, not to mention how nervous I'll be in the play next year. Future things aren't always an apparent thought. Hell, I have no idea what I even want to be. An author? An artist? A film producer? Who knows.

A map. Just give me a map and I'll know where the fuck I'm going. I hate being clueless. I hate being able not to relate. I hate being this.

I can't even tell you how many times I've thought that it'd be easier to just not have friends. I could deal with that. Totally. Not like I depend on them to build my confidence up. And even when I feel good about myself, it all has to come crashing down, doesn't it?

My hands have crackled beneath my eyes, my legs collapsing forwards and sending me flying into dust. The particles fill my lungs, and everything feels so dry. I feel lost, and I can't help it.

I can't help snapping at people. I can't help being such an asshole. And I wish that could change. I wish I knew how to be a good friend. I wish I knew how to know exactly what I want to do with my life. I wish I knew how to properly deal with people.

Oh my god, I sound like such an asshole. So many people have it worse than me, and I'm just here complaining like an idiot.

Well, let me tell you. You will find your way eventually. I'm starting to pick up the pieces along the way, and even if I'm slow, I'm still getting somewhere. It all takes time.

We all get frustrated with our friends, and sometimes some friends are better to let go of than keep. You, as a human being, do not need anything bad form another person. It's hard to disconnect yourself from someone, but it will happen eventually. But there will be others along the way that makes things so much easier.

But also live a little. Don't take things seriously all the time. I used to take a lot of things seriously, and from all the people around me, they told me I wasn't fun. And they were right. I wasn't. I was a buzzkill.

My story isn't really anything, and this is more of a rant than a story, but it's something. Listen World. We are changing and we will always be changing. We are not going to stop at one point and be like, this is where we stop. We continue to grow and develop things we never knew existed.

We are the future.

We are changing, and nothing will stop that.

Love,
Catherine :)