I pick up the phone. As I am dialing his number, my mom walks in my room.
"Whats wrong with you? You have been quiet since you got home."
"Nothing is wrong! Leave me alone, please just go away!"
Although I really want to tell someone what happened, I can't. She won't understand. She's going to lecture me about me not being responsible by not telling anyone what happened. It's all my fault! How could I let someone do something so nasty to me? I was raped it's not my fault! Except the for the fact I let him. On top of that I take it all out on my boyfriend and now he thinks something is wrong with him. The truth is, something is wrong with me.
"Fine, I will just walk away and act as if you are not even here." As she is on her way out of my room she stops for a few seconds and then turns around. "Is this about a stupid boy?"
"No!" Yes, but I don't want you to know. "He is not stupid, okay?" Oh no! I told her what it was about. What am I going to say now?
"Oh?" She said it like she was interested about my life for once. "That's why I say boys are a waste of time. Young "puppy love" isn't worth this much pain ok?"
Oh my god, she's listening for once! Where was she all these years? I needed her a long time ago and now she decides to listen and help out. "No, that's not it though, I told him I loved him for the first time today and I meant it, I really did. But my face said otherwise. I didn't want to tell him I wanted to wait until I knew I was really in love and knew he was too. I wanted to tell him when my heart was sure that he was the one."
She looks at me with a disgusted look on her face. Like she hated me. The that shows hurt and pain. Is she hurt because I am or because of me?
"Well, this is not what I was thinking at all."
"I don't know what to do." I really don't know. I am terrified.
"Well that is exactly what you get for not listening to me."
Here comes the lecture.
"You know you can't have a boyfriend but you go right behind my back and do it anyways. I just don't understand what is so hard to understand about that!"
"Fine! I thought you were finally going to treat me like a teen but no, you don't! Instead you treat me like a child! I am sixteen and would really enjoy being treated like a sixteen year old would!"
She walks out of my room and slams the door on her way out. Finally, she's gone,out of my hair. Now I can call him.
As I lift the phone to my ear I dial the number once again. -Good, no interruptions. He answers on the second ring, as always. "Hello."
"What do you want now?"
"I want to apologize."
"I'm listening."
"I'm really sorry for earlier ok? I honestly didn't mean to make it seem like that ok?"
"I'm going to ask you a question, and I want the truth."
"Okay."
"Is there something wrong with me?"
"No."
"Are you cheating on me?"
"No!"
"Then what is wrong with you?"
I take a quick drink of water. I have to tell him, now.
"I was raped when I was a kid."
