The Heat Behind His Eyes

The Heat Behind His Eyes - Chapter 5

What the hell have I gotten myself into? I've since managed to fix my clothing, stop my sobbing and cries, but damn if my ass isn't burning up right now. What in the hell have I gotten myself mixed up in?

It's rather irritating to watch that perfect white fluffy tail gently swaying from side to side in front of me, especially when my ass is on fire like this. He's acting like that was a perfectly normal interaction!

And what the hell was my reaction? I actually submitted to the guy. I admitted I was in the wrong, and I even cuddled with him afterward like he was my mother. I do not understand why I did that! I am so embarrassed I could die!

In fact, that entire interaction was totally fucked up. I need to get to Ransen, yes. But how
badly do I need to get there? Do I need to get there today with this crazy ass guy? Maybe it would be better if I just ran away. I know I've been wandering around in the woods for days, and I'd get lost again, I'm sure. So... maybe I can put up with him till we get to Ransen, at least?

Was this a one-time thing? Or is this going to happen on a regular basis? Oh, gods, I can't deal with this if this is a regular thing for him. I'm not going to make it. I won't be able to maintain a sense of self.

Maybe as long as I don't do anything else to set him off I will be ok. I mean, in some respects, I was kind of being a snot, and a poor traveling companion. But I don't have any experience with other cats. Is this what it's like? Is there always an alpha cat, dictating the other cats' behavior by force? I don't like this at all. I want an equal say.

I really don't understand my own reaction, though. Do I actually like this guy? Do I have a crush on him? What on earth was going through my mind back then? Maybe I'd just been worn down by the pain, and I just was desperate to do anything to get it to stop, so I submitted. I mean, I actually submitted to the punishment, to him, and let him get his way. I knew there was no way I could get away, so maybe that's why I did what I did.

But if I'm honest, that isn't what it felt like. It felt like I was safe in his arms like he would protect me, take responsibility for me when I make mistakes, and I sure could use that about now. Is that why I let him groom me? It just felt so good! I haven't had anyone groom me since Mom died. It was so soothing--like he really meant me to be part of his family. But he doesn't know me. I wonder if he'd change his mind if he knew about the curse.

Ugh, the curse! What am I going to do about the curse? How am I going to bring that up with him? Do I need to tell him about it? What am I going to do? Is he going to leave me when if I tell him? Gods help me!