what they made me become

From age 5 and beyond I've always been bullied for being the way I am... I liked to purr, bark, howl and I even chirped like a baby cheetah when I was scared (which was a lot) I also had very dark facial expression.
My only friends where animals.Thats why I acted that way, not that anyone cared.

They always talked down to me or talked about me behind my back when they knew I was literally three feet away from them and could hear them clearly. To think these people used to actually be my friends at one point, and some of them are even my own family members.

I knew I could fight back, I could defend myself and speak out but I was too afraid, even though I was already being trained how to fight I just couldn't. But there was a feeling behind all of the fear, clawing at the back of my mind, I was too young to understand when I first felt it but now I understood that what I felt for the first time was the rage trying to break out.

They got in my face push me around and called me names knowing that I wouldn't do anything. Heck I didn't even say anything to my parents because I was too afraid that they would see me as a weak and disappointing child compared to my older and stronger siblings. but then the rage finally broke free.

The first time it happened was when I moved away from my hometown to visit my grandmother in another state, so I thought things would be different that I would actually make new friends and not be bullied.... But sadly I was wrong.

A group of four boys would always pick on me every chance they got push me around hit me and then when I tried to fight back they ran and I couldn't catch them.

The first time I snapped all I could hear was snarls (I didn't know they were mine) and I blacked out. When I actually realized what I was doing I realized I had chased them down and literally fought all four of them at once until the teacher broke us up(there was no winner, the teacher broke us up)

For once in my life I actually stood up to my bullies and I was happy, I felt powerful, I felt a sense of confidence and pride that I could defend myself. But all that came to an end when I had to go back home.

When I got back to school all the pride happiness and confidence went out the window as they all crowded around me to degrade me once again, but deep down I could feel rage every time they spoke but i didn't act on it. I was too afraid to

It wasn't until a few years later where I met met my former Alpha(best friend). She was a very confident and strong and for the first time I found someone like me, and what's even better she made me her beta(her term for best friend)! She made me ignore it all by bullies and we kept each other happy and we dealt with school together!

But as the years went by I lost my beta title and our friendship slowly withered away until I was totally excluded from the pack(group of friends). With no pack, no friends and no one to protect(I live to protect those close to me) I went down a spiral of sadness and depression. And as I went down the bullying went up, all the friends I had made betrayed me and took their side, and the rage was slowly coming to the surface until I lost it.

It was just lunch in the cafeteria, the entire day me and one of my buddies were doing a hair pulling (softly pulling) game a day, getting one another back and forth(she did this with all of her friends and for once she was actually becoming my friend)

So she sat down in front of me and I got one of her braids and softly pulled, and in front of everyone she reached over and grabbed my entire head of hair and tried to pull me across the table. It was at this moment I blacked out again, all I can hear was screaming in the teachers yelling at us to break it up.

The unfair part was they just told her to walk to the office while they got a police officer to escort me to the office, at that point I didn't care all I wanted was for someone's blood on my hands (I was very angry). Sadly I could still I can still see the faces of this people around me, some we're startled others were scared. This incident caused me to be one of the most feared students in the entire School. Not just because of what happened, because they actually started to see me and they didn't like what they saw.

My face always contorted into a glare or a scowl (my face is naturally like that).when I growl at people when they annoy me, or the fact that after this incident I went right up to my bullies when they were talking about me and told them to back up their words and to fight me.

Of course they always came up with a excuse to avoid me. But a few of them. They thought they could take me down but I beat them all down, I Never Backed Down. And once they saw that and saw that I wasn't afraid to fight them, and that I was going to do serious damage to them if they could not defend themselves. Finally they left me alone

They feared me (the teachers thought I was an innocent teacher's pet like I always was)

They didn't fight because they knew I was a vicious fighter. They didn't bully me with snarky comments and run because I they knew I was faster than them both physically and with comebacks.They didn't say anything when I wore baggy clothes, if they wanted to speak to me they either wanted me to protect them from someone else or was brave enough to be friend me because of the things they knew I had (which I promptly left them)

In the midst of all of the fighting in betrayal I became cold, I shut my emotions off to protect myself, I didn't care about anyone, I didn't show any emotion, all I want to do was be alone with my dark thoughts.

I was becoming a monster, and I knew it, the rage was always there I could always hear the snarls and the pull to fight when I could hear them talking about me. I started feeling lonely, everyone was too afraid to be my friend in need then if they did they were not a true friend.

It wasn't until last year that I found someone, someone who didn't know about me or the things I did, someone who didn't listen to the other people when they told her to stay away from me, someone who became my best friend, someone who I could let in, protect, and lean back on.

Someone who can temporarily tame my rage and not be scared Away by it. I just hope it will last