"It's Not Working Out!"

"It's Not Working Out!" - 02

        This past few days i can admit that we'll be doing the same routines. Unlike before it's full of excitement but now that she has returned.. All of that excitement has been vanished.

        I'm not bitter but i'm sticking on the fact. Ordinary nights came up, ordinary like... just sitting infront of each other, asking if how is our day. But you know what is worst part of his story telling his day? Telling me directly that he and she had a date at our favorite restaurants, playing at arcades and more.

It really pains me inside. But what can i do? SHE owns HIM.

        One day..  I saw him on the street walking hand by hand with her. It kills me, it feels like i've been stabbed right across my chest a million times, but then again.. What can i do? I'm just a secret part of his dark side. He said me once 'We cannot go out at morning, because everyone will recognize me with a gay. You do know my reputation right?' after that he kissed me on my cheeks. And i smiled in return to hide the pain that i felt after that sentence came out from his mouth.

        I want to leave and focuss on my job. But when he touches me... I've been chained again in his lonely and isolated world. I've been fooled and became a victim of the word "LOVE".

        If this is a card game, He will be the KING of HEARTS and SHE will be the QUEEN of HEARTS, while im just the JOKER card. That no ones use until they wanted too. After that night i've finally decided not to meet him. I'm not in the mood for sweet talking, i just want to be left alone.

        I've spent a whole night at a nearby bar, dressed up like a depressed man so no one can recognized me.

        "One more shot of vodka tonic please.." i ordered my 9th shot already and im not yet still feeling drowsy and tipsy, i guess i'm immune with alcoholic drinks already.

        I thought he would look for me.. But guess what? He didn't he just texted me "Hey, I can't meet up tonight. she needs me. I'll make it up to you." just that. Can't he realize that i need him too? Is he that numb?!

         After finishing almost 3 bottles, i decided to go home to my personal pent house. My tears won't cooperate with me and so does my sense. My brain just telling me that 'take some rest and finish you G** damn designs!' and i just followed my brain. 

        I let my feet drag me to my room and plop down and slept. I didn't mind how smelly i am or how drunk i am. I just want to have a day-off from that stupidity that i had.