Thunder's Diary(BBB)

12-Can't

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20th May 1962,Sunday(2011)

It hurts.
I can't accept both of it.
Being with friends,being with no one,
I can't.
I'm feeling sad in both situation.
Being with friends,I feel sad and lonely by myself even though I was surrounded by them because I am not myself.
I can't express truthfully.
I can't say something I like.
I can't say my real thoughts.
Because they're fake.
I can't trust them.
They'll ignore me.
They'll not care.
All they care about is themselves.
So I'm being sad.
I'm feeling lonely.
No one is there for sure even though they're just a few inches from me.
They don't realize the sadness in me,if I told them,they care but it doesn't make me feel better.
So I just stay silence.
And just trying to fit in.
Talking things they like,so that they'll talk to me.
Seriously,I'm tired and I wanted to stop but as long as they are still in my life and I'm still in their life,it's impossible.
Being with no one,of course it hurts.
Knowing no one is there.
Knowing no one listens.
Knowing no one cares.
Knowing no one is giving their hand so you can reach it.
Empty space of me in the darkness.
I have friends,but I don't want them because I can't feel the true happiness with them.
They are just friends,but fake.
Is there really a true friend out there?
I just hate them.
And myself.
And everything.

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