Thunder's Diary(BBB)

13-Heartbreak

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26th May 1962,Saturday(1859)

I have many types of heartbreak.
First,depression.
I can't do anything,and I extremely don't feel like doing anything that time.
I can't talk,I can't smile,I can't laugh.
No interest,no lust.
I can't even pretend.
I was like a person without feelings.
I just think about..
Nothing.
Just a really severe feeling of hopeless.
Second,hypophernia.
I sad and cry without reason.
No reason,really.
But it hurts.
Third,sick brain.
I remembered things I shouldn't and I think about it every time.
I can't stop thinking.
I don't know why it hurts.
Yeah,of course because you can't get that thing from your brain.
But that thing is not even making me hurt it just the feeling of why can't I forget it.
It is not an important thing.
Forth,death.
I keep thinking about it and change it to a negative thinking.
I'm afraid.
This is such a horrifying feeling.
I want to die but I don't want.
I keep thinking that I will die at that time.
Oh,stop.
Fifth,love.
I recall back all my good memories with the person I like.
I feel all of the suffocating feeling of waiting,distancing and jealousy.
I keep fooling myself with hope and impossible imagination.
It hurts so much.
Sixth,now,myself.
Myself.
Keep thinking about trusting people or not,keep thinking about the fakeness of others,keep thinking about the true friend I should have whom I don't know if he's exist or not.
Hating people.
Hating myself.
Hating everything.
Hate,hate,hate.
Love,love,love.
I need both of those.
The pain feeling made by me.
Urghhh
Is this the best?

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