An ongoing story

Chapter 6- A second chance

    From a broken home, and broken relationships. I always believed I wouldn't find another who'd quite understand me the way my second boyfriend did. "Everything happens for a reason". My life motto never seemed to let me down, because when my ex left me frozen, and cracked. He brought the glue to mend me.
   On halloween of 2017, we hung out for the first time. I remember looking at him, and studying him as a person, noticing every flaw, and surprise. But, he kept me interested in the way he could made me laugh. Even if the jokes seemed to be wrong, and this day was a gift to me, and a realization that I wanted him in my life.
   My second boyfriend seemed to be there for me even though we barely knew each other. All the texts of stupid jokes, and basic questions, I had learned what made him thrive. And I enjoyed it.
   When we became more than friends, I wondered how he was going to leave me. I kept those thoughts so deep in my mind, to mask them of their power, but still they hung there. Bringing caution of the poison he could've spurred unexpectedly. But for some reason I saw nothing but roses, and he had the scissors to cut the thorns from the stems of my demons.

   He had spoke to me of doing something terrible to himself, and I felt my heart stop. It was like I was a gerbil, running constantly on its wheel, only to find out that i was going no where. And I was frightened. I couldn't think clearly, and all that flooded my mind was the trauma I endured, and what came out of it. It was so hard to look past what he had done, but I felt strong, and I knew that he needed a chance to change. And although he became my anchor, I needed to hold him down. So I took his apology, and didn't let myself forget the way it felt to experience that again.

   Though there were so many times he kept me in stable, and so many moments he'd brighten my day, my insecurities came rising once more, and it became harder to handle. But he'd take my hand and pull me out of the quicksand. He was the fire, and I was the match. Keeping me lit in the dark, and i kept him from burning out. The perfect combination, and unlike the others, we believed we'd make it. My second boyfriend was a promise to a new and better life. and my second boyfriend reminded me everyday that I seemed to be his gift. We would show each other the way through the jungle that was our minds.

   I'll never shake the thought of me deserving nothing but shit in life. That's what I believed I earned from the horrible things that haunted me. All the words, and all the actions that came from me have been nightmares creeping into a child's dream. So hurt, and unclear, I can't imagine i'd get such a perfectly imperfect man by my side.

   He didn't know he was perfect in my eyes. He thought he was far from it, actually. But he was so amazing to me. He'd bring me flowers, and candy. Buy me soda, and share his love of multiple things constantly with me. My second boyfriend was something to be cherished in my mind, and our chapter hasn't ended. Four months and hopefully more. The ending to a story so complicated and fragile. I plan to continue as far as this universe will let me.