"So how did I do?"
"You did well." His deep raspy voice sounded almost proud of me.
"Good? That's all?"
"Fine brat, you did great." My father toyed with me.
"Thank you." I took a bow.
"Soon you'll be able to take me down."
"Yup."
"Yeah, you wish." He growled. He poked my side, forcing me to chuckle in amusement. "Now come on before your mother kill us for being late for dinner."
"Race you?" I transitioned into my wolf and took off into the woods before I could receive a response or protest.
I took the lead; putting all of my strength and power into my run. The vast gap I had created between my father and I quickly depleted right before he passed me, taking the lead.
I huffed at him; snarling at him for leaving me behind him once again...
I heavy crackle of thunder ripped me out of my own thoughts and memories. I looked at the window, observing how the heavy rain continued to beat against the window pane.
Standing from my bed, I walked over to my open window. The dark clouds had rolled in, masking the morning sunshine with a dark aura of grey. The storm had arrived some time ago. Its strength now full and powerful; its weight now heavy on the land.
I wrapped my arms around myself, keeping myself comfortably warm from the dense breeze that blew in with the storm.
Lately, I could not get him off of my mind. My father. Today he was heavy on my mind; our past, our fun, our simple or intense conversations.
Turning on my heels, I walked to my chair before I took a seat in front of my vanity mirror. I found myself; my reflection. A horrible, deadened, and miserable woman who was not sure how to go on. My skin was colorless; my hair was stringy and flat; my once luminous eyes carried baggage that I struggled to conceal with beauty products.
I popped open my makeup kit, determined to append some color to my face in hopes of concealing what I didn't want anyone to see.
How could I attempt to add more makeup when it continues to wash away with my frequent tears?
I have tried. I have struggled to contain myself but they just would not stop falling. Today. Today was the day I would bury my father, finalizing his death. Today is the day I officially hand him over to the moon goddess and the earth.
It has been four weeks since his death and everyone decided that it was best to bury him once I was functional and out of the hospital. They knew my attendance would be needed.
I finished up my makeup and tended to my hair. I picked up my brush; running it through each black string of my hair until I was sure I tended to each corner or my head. Picking up my dress, I looked at, praying that this day was nothing more than a horrible nightmare I could wake from.
I slipped into my dress before I stepped into the black baby doll shoes to match. After making sure I was dressed to perfection, I picked up my black clutch; slipping a few needed items into the pocket that I knew I would need throughout the day.
Finished, I stepped in front of my floor length mirror to see the ending result. I smoothed out the creases and wrinkles and picked at the small strands of hair that fell over my knitted eyebrows.
Am I stalling?
Can I admit that I thought the longer I took, the longer I kept him with me? His spirit. I thought handing over his physical form to the earth would also hand over his spiritual form. I refused. How could I hand over what I loved so much? How could manage to walk this earth without the man that had showed me the strength I needed to go on. My guide. My protector. The man that had showed me my true self. That man that loved me unconditionally.
The man that reminded my mother and I that we were the greatest gifts he had ever received from the world.
My hand tightened into a fist. Was I even more irritated that I could not avenge my father? That I could not put him to rest peacefully still know that the woman that had caused him such harm was still roaming this world?
I had a mind full of thoughts however I had only one thing to do today.
Step out of this room and finally put him to rest...
I couldn't breathe. Each passing step placed me closer to the moment I had dreaded for some time. As we walked toward the burial ground in many groups, it was certainly clear that I was not ready to offer the physical form of him to the earth.
Rain poured against the umbrella that was hovering above my head. Crying could be heard from my mother as Abby held on to her hand, comforting her in her time of need.
I wanted to run to my mother and tell her for the millionth time that I was sorry. That it was my fault that she had lost the man she had loved so much; that man we had loved so much.
We reached the burial grounds. Many had come; packs from all over had come to support the life of my father. The Golden Eye Tribe. The Luna and Alpha of the Black Water Pack. The Sapphire Pack. All came to pay their respect.
Following a special ceremony and a few exceptional words from friends and family, they began to lower him into the ground. I watched; my mind reluctant to believe that he was really gone. I could not finalize this. Believing this seemed almost impossible.
Tears trickled down my cheeks as I lowered my head. Hiding the shame on my face from the people around me seemed to be the only thing I could do.
I jumped a little, startled by a light touch against my lower back.
"Are you okay?" He asked; allowing his comforting voice to calm me in the moment.
I nodded my head to Xavier, unable to use verbal words to answer his question. With the umbrella balance in his left hand, he used the other to pull me closer into a comforting hug.
I buried my face into his chest; my mind and body desperately trying not to break down at this very moment.
I just wanted this all to be over...
