Saving Each Other

Chapter Six

Chapter Six

 

“Between the lines of fear and blame”

 

            “Buffy, I’m going to Janice’s for a while!” Dawn called up the stairs.

            Buffy was sitting on her bed with a picture of her mother in one hand and one of her and William dressed up for prom in the other. How had everything gotten so screwed up?

            Her sister’s voice pulled her out of the spiral of blame that she was placing on both herself and William.

            Descending the stairs, Buffy asked, “Are you planning on being home for supper?”

            “No, we’re making mini-pizzas,” Dawn told her sister. Little did Buffy know, the real reason Dawn was going to Janice’s was because Giles had just called to give her a heads up that Spike was on his way over to talk to Buffy. Dawn figured if maybe she was out of the house Spike and Buffy could work out whatever happened between them.

            “Alright,” Buffy said a little sadly. Guess she would be alone all day after all. “Be home by ten.”

            “Uh... about that,” Dawn said hesitantly. “I was wondering if I could sleep over.”

            “I suppose so,” Buffy told her. Buffy didn’t think being alone in the house for that long  was a good thing but she wasn’t about to deprive Dawn of hanging out with her friends just because she didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts all night.

            “Thanks Buffy!” Dawn said happily, giving her a hug. “I’ll see you later!” she told her sister as she opened the door to leave, revealing a certain bleached blond standing on the other side.

            “Spike, hi,” Dawn squeaked out, wanting to get out of there before the inevitable fury that was her sister saw him.

            “‘Lo Niblet,” he told her, “Big sis in?”

            “Yup. I have to get going now,” she told him before racing out the door.

            Spike chuckled to himself. Trust Dawn to get out of there before there was bloodshed.

            “Dawn? Are you still here?” the elder Summers sister asked, walking back into the room. She stopped mid-step when she saw who it was. “William?”

            “It’s Spike,” he corrected quietly.

            “William, Spike, whatever. What are you doing here?”

            “I came to talk,” he told her. “Just hear me out. I know I don’t deserve it and that you in no way owe me anything but will you please, Buffy, just hear me out?”

            “Fine,” she told him curtly. “I will hear you out.” She didn’t want to. She knew that as soon as she let him explain himself her resolve would crumble and she would let him back into her life. And letting him back into her life would just lead to more heartbreak and pain. He was right, she didn’t owe him a damn thing. Why should she hear him out? Because you still care about him far too much and you’re actually interested in what he has to say, she told herself grudgingly.

            They wordlessly went over to the couch and sat down, both well aware of the fact that this was where Joyce died. “I’m sorry Buffy,” he said quietly. “I never meant to hurt anyone by leaving. I just couldn’t stay here, you know that. I know you say it’s not my fault but I can’t help but to blame myself for the accident.” He became silent again and looked down at the floor. Why did this have to be so difficult to explain? “You know I... care about you,” he began again after a moment, avoiding the word “love”, “you were my best friend Buffy. You were the one good thing in my life. I didn’t want to leave but I knew I didn’t deserve you after everything.”

            “Spike...” she began softly, and the fact that she actually used his nickname wasn’t lost on Spike. She reached out to touch his face and he instinctually leaned into her touch. She let her fingers trace his jaw line before moving up to his cheek. She cupped his cheek in her palm and he closed his eyes and drank her in. He wished that they could just forget the past and all the hurt and pain. But they couldn’t. He would never forgive himself. He came here to talk to her but as soon as he truly looked her in the eyes and saw how devoid of the joy and innocence they had in them five years ago, he chickened out. He really had no right to destroy this girl’s life even further.

            “Spike...” she tried again but he pulled away.

            He was off the couch and to the door as quick as possible. “Spike,” she said again, getting up to stop him.

            “I... I can’t... Bye Buffy,” he said quickly, exiting the house and leaving the woman he loves behind yet again.