Happiness

Sickness

It has been 2 years since Adam left for the war, and about 7 months ago letters stopped coming in as well. We havent gotten hany reports on his current situation and things are starting to get very clear for Seth and I. Today is Seth's 12th birthday. Sure, its exciting, my little boy is growing up.. but the pain that it gives me to see how depressed my child is.. it hurts in all the wrong ways. He has personally sent letters countless numbers of times, has drawn pictures and even reanacted scenes that he had shared with his dad before he left, just so he wont forget who he is. The fact that his father isnt here anymore has definately weighed a toll on him, and he is not getting better at the moment. He has also been diagnosed with Polio in his digestive system. I havent yet told him what his exact sickness is, but he knows himself that he is very sick. We dont know whether our messages reach Adam and cant get word from him either, so we have very big problems on our hands at the moment. I try all I can do to keep Seth happy, but nothing really manages to cheer him up in the right way. Well, at least not as well as Adam could. He barely would have to speak to get Seth laughing.. he just really misses his father. And with all these other problems just jumping ontop of him, I really dont know how much longer he will be able to take all of it. 

Sitting on the dinner table was quiet. I decided to make chat though and break the silence. "Seth, do you have any plans on what you want to do in the future?" Seth sat silent. He spoke 5 minutes later saying, " I am pretty interested in Engeneering, not sure what type though. I am also thinking about joining the army like dad did."  I think the best way to keep memory of dad is to follow his footsteps, and I am pretty excited with doing it. Not sure what field I would join though, that is something I really need to think on for some time, but it may be the same as dads.

I froze and dropped my food from my hand. I couldnt control my hands from shaking. The image of my son leaving for war like Adam did serverly crushed my heart. I couldnt handle the thought of  him going out to war, it seemed to similar to the painful day Adam left. "I dont think you should join the Army Seth." Seth suprised replied " why? what is wrong with me joining the Army and serving for my country?" I replied "you arent going to serve for your country. You are trying to feel what its like to be like near or do what you dad does again. The army is much more than just that. There is so much more you need to be to be successful in the army and I really dont think you would cut for it. Seth became enraged and screamed "You dont know what its like for me! I am just a little kid and I have no idea what the condition of the most important person in my life is right now! Do you have any idea how much this hurts me? How I feel? I feel terrible! Not only am I probably never going to see my father again, but I have this sickness that is killing me every single day, and he might never see me again, if he is still alive for that matter! I'm hurting and NOTHING around me is helping! My heart completely sank. This is the angriest i've seen him in ages. It couldnt have been him speaking, I love him so much and i know he loves me. I feel like all of it is my fault and I have nothing to return to my child. "Seth! Dont ever speak so negatively again! How could you say someone like your father isnt alive! Adam is one of the most strong willed, freely on going and determined people I know! It would take 5 armies just to bring Adam down, and I will not have your negativity driving me into thinking of wrong things that may have happened to him. If you love Adam, you would know that he loves you and would never risk his life in a stupid way without thinking about you first! " Seth was absolutely furious. "Why did he leave me and go to war then?" I was breathless. I had no way to answer that question. I dont know anymore than Seth does by this point and it kills me that I cant help him.

Seth stormed off into his room without moving his plate or saying a word. I have neever seen him so angry ever. I wish there was something I could do, but I dont have enough information. All I can do by this point is just pray and hope for the best that Adam is still out there, alive well and healthy.