Beautifully Broken

Chapter Four

   "Good morning mija, how did you sleep?"

Amelia pours herself a cup of coffee and sits down in front of her gran. She blows into the cup softly trying to cool down the warm liquid, "Fine." She takes a sip. Carful not to make eye contact. Knowing her grandmother she would see through her lie.

Placing her hands on top of Amelia's she says, "You do know you can tell me anything right?"

Of course Amelia knew she could talk to her gran, and she really did want to open up to her; but she was scared. How do you tell someone that you feel at fault for something that was out of your hand? How every night you curl into a ball and cry yourself to sleep. And no matter how many times you try to put a smile on your face and act like everything's okay, on the inside your screaming for someone to help. She couldn't, so instead she smiles, "I know.

Her grandmother pats her hand. Getting up, she says, "And don't forget who else you can talk to."

Her grandmother didn't have to say a name because Amelia already knew who she was talking about. She hated to admit it, but every since the accident she struggled talking to God. She knew he was there, but she just couldn't feel him anymore like she use to. Sighing, Amelia looks at the time on their kitchen stove. There was still 10 minutes before Ethan would pick her up for school. Why she had agreed to it, she wasn't sure. After he left, the same feeling she felt at school returned. It was like someone was nudging her to go after him. Still, she couldn't believed she had said yes.

Drinking the last bit of the warm liquid, Amelia washes the cup and places it in the drying rack. She heads back to her bedroom to gather her things. Hovering by the door, she reaches for her necklace, making sure the silver cross laid perfectly across her neck. It was a gift from Luke, something she never took off. It made her feel closer to him. She wraps her fingers around her necklace. I miss him God.

Before she can let the guilt takeover, she hears the doorbell ring. She closes her eyes trying to fight the urge to cry. She reminds herself as to why she was here. She needed time to heal and thinking about the past wasn't going to help. Walking downstairs she bids her grandmother a goodbye telling her she was riding to school with Ethan. She could hear the smile in her grans voice as she wishes her a good day. It takes every thing in her not to roll her eyes. Opening the door, she sees a freshly showered Ethan with a big grin on his face.

"Good morning." He says his voice a little to chirpy.

Amelia grabs her coat and shrugs it on mumbling a good morning. It wasn't that she wasn't a morning person. In fact she loved waking up early, but last night was brutal. She kept tossing and turning. The nightmares she was having seemed to be getting stronger each night. It took everything in her not to tip toe to her grandmothers room.

"Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?"  Ethan jokes.

She doesn't say anything deciding to give him the silent treatment. Noticing her sour mood, his smile drops and they walk in silence. He opens the passenger door for her and Amelia couldn't help but smile at his kindness. Who knew he could be such a gentleman. She says a silent thank you as she slips inside making sure to buckle up. He smiles, closing the door behind her and jogs to the driver side. Once inside he places the key in the ignition muttering how could it was under his breath. He fumbles with the knobs tuning the heat to full blast. There may have been a bit chilliness to that air. But the way Ethan was acting you would have thought they had a blizzard.

"Guess you hate the cold?" She says adjusting her seatbelt. Since she was so short it had the tendency of laying across her neck.

He chuckles, "I'm more of a summer guy."

She hums in agreement, but doesn't dare say anything else. Instead she lays her head against the cool window and closes her eyes. Summers were her favorite as well. Living in California meant they spend their days at the beach. Feeling the sun rays beat down on her giving her that sun kiss tan she desperately needed from being cooped up in classroom. Of course the most memorable thing was when her, Luke, and their friends would play beach volleyball. Her heart swells at the sweet memory of her brother. Until images of that night invade her mind. The sound of rain hitting the car while the windshield whispers fought against it. She remembers everything. Her heart rates picks up and she could feel her throat tighten, tears threateningly to spill out. Her breathing becomes labor, the need of fresh air becoming so overwhelming that she jolts up shouting at Ethan to pull over. He's shocked at her sudden outburst, but nonetheless he obliges.

She doesn't wait for him to come to a complete stop. Once he's slow enough to jump out of the car she does. Amelia falls to ground her knees getting wet from the layer of snow that covered the ground. She begs herself to breath, and tells herself to calm her heart rate.

In out. In out.

She continues to repeat these words until she feels her body relax. In the distant she hears Ethan climb out of the car, the snow crunching beneath his shoes. The noise stops and she feels him kneeling down next to her. He was hesitant she could tell by the way he looked at her and then out into the open sky.He wasn't sure what he should be doing right now, and she didn't blame him. Not every one knew how to help someone who was having a panic attack. Still she gave him props for at least behind next to her. Most people just stood there staring at her as if she was some freak.

When she was sure she wasn't going to faint, she stands up. Dusting some of the white off her jeans. Ethan, being the gentleman he was, held her steady. You would have thought she was made of glass and would have broke any second how carefully he was holding onto her. Still it warmed her heart how caring he was being. Looking at him, she saw a million questions in his hazel eyes. She looks away and slowly walks back to the car. Resting her hand loosely on the door handle, she looks over her shoulders and sees Ethan rooted to the spot. He had his hand in his pocket and was deep in thought. It was no surprise to her, it was how everyone reacted when they first found out. They were scared out of their minds because they didn't know what to do or how to react.

Once it seemed like he was going to be okay, he turns around. They lock eyes and Amelia can't help but let out a gasp. His eyes were filled with so much pain. He was quick to mask it. His walls going back up. Amelia could have thought she had imagined it, but she knew better. They both get into the truck a thick layer of silence between them. It was like they were both scared to speak. Scared to open up the pandora box. They were two strangers who had a lot to say, but instead kept quite because it would only hurt knowing that person could hear but not understand.

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Authors Note
Thank you for reading! <3