He's My Why (Book 2 of He's My What Series) [Ongoing]

#2: Priorities

Nagising ako sa mahigpit na yakap sa bewang ko na siyang nakapagpangiti sa akin.

Unti unti kong iminulat ang mga mata ko at sumalubong sa akin ang sinag ng araw na bumabalot sa buong kwarto.

I shuffled a bit but that caused him to hug me even tighter. My smile faded when I realized something.

Agad kong tinanggal ang kamay niya sa bewang ko dahil sa inis. Akma akong tatayo nang yakapin niya nanaman ako.

Tss. Akala niya ba madadaan niya ako sa ganito? Nako Anderson, you should've known by now, I don't get easily swayed by old tactics.

"Bitawan mo ko." Imbes na sumunod sa sinabi ko ay mas lalo pang humigpit ang yakap niya.

"Good morning too baby." He said with a hoarse voice. Lalo lang akong nainis sa sagot niya.

Finally, with all the strengh that I have, nagawa ko ding makawala sa yakap niya at umupo mula sa pagkakahiga.

I crossed my arms over my chest then threw him a death glare which he's unaware of, seeing as his eyes are still close.

"When did you arrive?!" Sinuklay ko ang buhok ko saka nagbuga ng hangin telling him I'm really annoyed.

Sumilip siya gamit ang isang mata but when he saw me throwing death glares he quickly closed his eyes.

I snorted.

"Speak now or suffer the consequences later." Mataray kong utos. About time na ako naman ang masunod ngayon, everything I say has no power over him. He always end up making empty promises.

Tamad siyang umupo sa pagkakahiga. Kinusot niya ang inaantok pang mga mata saka humikab. My eyes quickly scan his figure and I can feel myself getting even angrier.

"Anong oras ka umuwi?" Pagtataray na ulit ko. Kahit na alam ko na ang sagot sa sarili kong tanong. He looked down like a guilty puppy he is.

"When? 2? 3 A.M? 4?" I further question.

Silence. Long silence. I hissed.

"Now don't you dare lie to me mister. You're still wearing your suit. Meaning wala ka nang time para makapagpalit. That's how tired you are." Nakatingin pa din siya sa mga kamay niya na parang batang pinapagalitan.

Silence.

Silence.

Long silence.

Every second of every minute staring at his apologetic face made me lose all hope.

I will accept whatever it is even if it's an excuse, I will accept it, even if I already know his reasons. Feeling ko kelangan kong makatanggap ng kahit na ano, kahit palusot for me to ease this feeling of being lied upon, given hoped to nothing.

"No. Uhm..." Inihilamos ko ang mga kamay sa mukha ko out of frustration finding the right words to say. At sa tingin ko any moment by now, maiiyak na ako.

"I don't ever wanna be the kind of wife who nags about even the useless things and you know it Natary... I just... It's just that..." I felt hopeless.

"I waited for you!" I don't know what has gotten into me when I felt my eyes suddenly water.

I bit my lips to suppress this uneasy feeling of swirling emotions that is slowly building up on me.

Then came pictures of the kids hopelessly waiting for nothing, no one. The pictures of their smiles slowly fading away as hours pass by.

"The children waited for you!" By now I couldn't control myself anymore. Damn these emotions.

I saw him panic when he saw me crying. Agad niya akong niyakap.

"I know, I'm sorry baby." He said almost pained. But my resolve on discussing this head on is stronger than his hug right now.

"No... No you don't know.... It's been months....... We've been married for months now and since then walang linggo ang lumipas na nandito ka...... You're always out........ A-Always on the office, you barely even go home and when you do, it's only because I talked you to it...... The kids are always asking where the hell are you. I....I've long ran out of excuses, and I hate that whenever you promise one thing you always see to it that you break it."

My voice broke at the last sentence. When I finished my words I almost ran out of breath. I feel so helpless. I feel almost every negative emotions right now but more importantly I feel hurt not for me but for the kids.

Humiwalay siya mula sa pagkakayakap and I was beyond shock to see him also crying.

"I ... I know all of it baby and you don't know how sorry I am." He wiped his tears away from his obvious tired eyes.

His face is now even more pale than the last time I saw him. For a split second, nagsisi akong inaway ko siya but then again this issue has to be confronted.

"You can always make empty promises with me... I can deal with that... But not with the kids..." I said almost pleading. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko sa pagaakalang hihinto ang mga luha ko kaso wala itong nagawa.

Lalo lang akong napa-iyak nang maalala kung gaano umiyak si Zoey kagabi calling for his dad.

"Kaya kong palampasin to if it's your first time but it's not..." Pinunasan ko ang mga luhang kumawala sa mga mata ko.

Then I bit my lip, debating if I should say the words I'm dreading to come out  of my mouth. But there are certain things we should draw a line. And it's time for him to choose his priorities.

"It has been this way for who knows how many times.... And I'm slowly getting tired of it."

Tumayo na ako sa kama heavy hearted walking my way out of the room. I wiped my tears away for the last time before preparing a fake smile for the kids for the entire day.

* * *

I was busy preparing the breakfast when I saw Sheena lifelessly walking towards me.

I faked a smile.

"Hey, sweetie, good morning." Bati ko. Umupo siya sa stool sa harap ko at ngumiti ng pilit habang kinukusot niya pa ang puyat niyang mga mata.

"Asan si Dad, mom?"

Monotoned niyang tanong. Sumilip ako sa mukha niyang disappointed.

I sighed

"Upstairs sweetie. Probably still sleeping." Tumango siya saka naglean over sa counter table habang pinapanood akong maghiwa ng tomato.

Katahimikan. Mahabang katahimikan ang bumalot sa aming dalawa.

On my part. I honestly don't know what to tell her. Hindi naman pwedeng sabihin ko sa batang 9 years old na intindihin nalang ang dad niya when I, myself can't do that as well.

Maybe we just grew tired of all of this and this silence meant we both knew we already gave up.

Maya maya, pumasok na din sa kusina si Andrei na may hawak na libro.

"Good morning Mom." Patay niyang bati habang hindi padin inaalis ang atensyon sa libro.

Binitawan ko ang sandok na ngayo'y hawak ko at napa-buntong hininga.

"Andrei, anak hindi ba pwedeng bitawan mo muna yan? Hindi ba sumasakit ang mata mo kakabasa sweety?"

Inangat niya ang ulo niya saka tumingin sa akin. Tumango siya at inayos ang salamin bago isinarado ang libro at pagkatapos ay tumabi kay Sheena sa stool.

Napangiti ako saka uli ipinagpatuloy ang pagluluto.

My smile then faded upon remembering what happened earlier...

Now what Samantha? I sighed secretly.