get up

these days society has a real fun time downgrading people. people keep saying that you'll be loved for who you are and etc etc but that's not how society actually works in real life, no matter what people say. some people may judge you even though it might be unintentional. if two complete opposites choose to be together like an athlete and a nerd then people talk behind their back and spread stupid rumours, etc, because even though they may be in love society will force them to break up. they might not be able to handle all the whispers going on around them despite wanting to ignore them— and just to get rid of all the shivers crawling all across their back, they have to leave the only person they love to simply have some peace and safety; to not feel violated.

people try so hard to ignore what others say, stand up to the ones who are doing them wrong, but their words are swallowed whole because they're terrified! if someone goes against them, those assholes will become hell-bent on ruining their life because they have nothing better to do, are insecure, and can't mind their own damn business— when in reality the person who's life they're trying to destroy will be more deserving than they ever were because they do not spend their time trying to bring people down, they do not inflict harm onto others no matter how they're feeling— they do not stoop as low as those idiots. no matter what society says, no matter how much it affects them they don't stop being nice to people because they know how it feels.

but one day, one day they just break. they don't want to be like this, they don't want to hurt peoples feelings, but they have to toughen up in order to hide from society; the fragile and broken person they've become, because society will judge you when you can't do anything about it and no matter how much you try and act like it doesn't faze you, no matter how much you don't want it to, it still does, because that is just how humans are. you can't help your feelings, you can't control them even though you want to because peoples words have gotten into your head and gone inside your heart so deep, you drown in them.

"sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me," will have never sounded more ridiculous.

the deeper you drown into those dark thoughts, the more the pressure builds up while loitering between trying to be what other people want you to be, or defending yourself and throwing the same bullshit back at them— but then your heart just breaks because it can't stand the stress and pressure of others words, and there's nobody to pick up the broken pieces and glue them back together. they can't find themselves anymore, and they don't have the energy either. all the exhaustion, stress, pressure and hurtful words have been etched into your brain like scars and you can't take it anymore, all your energy has been drained and you can't fight it anymore. you feel empty; lost, even.

you don't know where to go. you can't go to the past and you can't go to the future and when you look beside you, you so badly want someone to be there, someone's shoulder to cry on but there's nobody. all you want is for someone to say that they're there for you and will always be, that they are fighting for you— someone to tell you that everything will be okay, but there's no one, there's nobody to turn toward so you have to get back up on your feet and no matter how hard the wind is blowing, you have to walk across and fight the wind that's blowing in the opposite direction of where you're going, because when you genuinely want something, you give it your all. when you want something, there comes a whole new power inside you that you never knew about.

the wind are the whispers of the words people say but it all blurs into one. you feel so numb that you can't feel the wind anymore and step by step, on your way back to recovery, you yourself stitch up every broken piece of yourself along the way. it's not easy, it's a long and ongoing process that never ends. the shards of glass cut into your skin and blisters form along your feet— but you are still trying to fight the wind, the wind which is so strong, like a tornado and you're just going round and round and round, lost, but you keep on going forward, mending yourself along they way, finding pieces of yourself scattered everywhere, lost in the wind, and slowly putting them back together.

with every piece you find, with every memory you create, good or bad, you become stronger. you're carrying all the terrible things people have said to you in a backpack on your shoulder, but that backpack doesn't have anything you need to survive, my love. that backpack just has extra burden that is weighing you down and making you feel heavier so you can't fight the wind, but that backpack is useless. it's just voices fading away into the background, so go on, remove one strap off your left shoulder, then your right— yes, you're doing it! throw that backpack and let it fly away in the wind because you don't need it anymore. that weight has just been lifted of your shoulders.

you feel light, you soar high to see where you are and you're oh so close to completely mending yourself. you've risen above the clouds and can see where you are. you can see the very last piece of your heart, the one that glues everything together, the final piece, to becoming a new, better, and happier version of yourself. the ending of your problems, and the beginning of something new, something better; and whatever has happened in your past has flown away but made you learn, made you stronger. it has made your weakness your strength and you're gonna use that strength, to open a new door. one with more opportunities, more happiness, sadness, realness, everything.

i know you're afraid to enter it, because you know it's not going to be easy; good mental health isn't achieved with just the flick of a wrist after all, but you have made it this far, please don't give up. maybe once one door closes another door will open and maybe it will be an endless cycle, but the road to recovery is continuous, love. each time you'll get stronger, and you'll break down, get stronger, then break down, get stronger and— you get the point; but each time you'll learn to deal with it in a better way, you'll learn that the most important opinion that matters is yours, and hopefully one day you'll genuinely realise that the best kind of love, is the one that you must give yourself.

yet for now, you've got to face your worst, you have to take the first step— and so you will. you will walk through that door, and into your magic shop, for the start of something brand new.

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A/N: i genuinely hope that this small piece helped you all in any way possible 🤍

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18/05/2018