Squid

Chapter Five

I hadn't talked to John since Friday night and he only reached out to me Tuesday morning after I didn't show up for class asking if I was okay; I chose not to respond. I knew it was wrong not to tell him I wasn't going to be there but it was only a test day so I didn't feel as bad as maybe I should have. He still hadn't apologized and I didn't want to be the first one to reach out.

I knew I couldn't ignore him forever so I still got ready for the day to help him since he was starting a new lesson plan and those days are a little tricky. I didn't know what it would be like to see him again and I was extremely nervous about it. Would he try to act like it wasn't a big deal? Would he remember it? Would I have to be the one to tell him what happened? I wasn't quite sure how this day was going to go but I knew I couldn't hide forever.

As I walked down the hall I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that this wasn't going to go well. I tried to push the feeling away as best as I could. I was about to walk into the classroom when I saw Amanda, another one of John's T.A's helping him set things up for the day.

"Wow cool," I sighed and turned back around to head back to my car.

Maybe it was childish that I didn't go into the room and let Amanda leave. I understood completely why she was there and I didn't blame John honestly, I hadn't contacted him to let him know if I was showing up or not. Having the day off just meant that I could finally catch up on some more on my work.

*

I could hear Collette's voice in my head as I headed back to John's office with his lunch from our favorite bbq place. She would be so mad at me for getting his lunch today and I was mad at myself as well. He didn't deserve it and I didn't know what it would lead to. Something in me was telling me that I should do it. I think part of me was afraid that if I I didn't do something then maybe we wouldn't ever be the same and that was scary.

I knew I could use the key he gave me to unlock his office but I felt awkward using it so I just rested against the wall until his class was done. With each passing minute  I grew more and more nervous and I was about to leave his food outside the door when students started filling the hallway.

"Ah shit," I mumbled when I saw John walking towards me.

He didn't see me at first but when he finally did, he stopped walking for a moment before walking faster.

"Loren, it's so good to see you."

I couldn't find my voice but John didn't seem to care, he just unlocked his office door for us.

"What are you doing here?"

"Uhm, bbq Thursday's."

I handed him his food and his drink and tried not to swoon at his smile.

"Bbq Thursday's," he sighed. "Did you get yourself anything?"

"No, I didn't."

"What? Why? I'll go get yours, I know what you get. I'll be right back."

"John, stop." I sighed and stood in front of him. "First of all you don't know what I get because I always get our food and second, I don't want anything."

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Positive."

John sighed and stepped towards me but I moved back again. I was too nervous to be too close to him.