It's Monday. School.
At 6:00am your alarm goes off. All of the sudden all of the bad thoughts come whirling around in your mind. All of the names your going to get called. "Stupid" "fat ass" "man whore" "ugly worthless piece of shit." The list never ends.
You cry in bed for a while because you don't want to go. You finally get up and think your strong enough to get dressed. You look In the mirror. You immediately start crying again. You hate yourself so much. You just want to die already.
Five minutes before the bus comes. You finally get dressed while remembering to avoid looking in that mirror. You don't know what to wear because you know no matter what you wear you'll get judged.
You purposely "forget" to pack a lunch so you don't have to eat.
You finally get dressed, grab your backpack, you throw on that fake smile and out the door you go.
You get on the bus and sit alone in seat 1 like every other day. Monday mornings on the bus are the best for me. No bullying done. Yet.
You finally get to school. And then the hell begins.
"Hey cutter boy came to school today!"
"Hey cutter boy"
"fagget"
"I thought I told you to kill yourself last week."
"Go hang yourself in the bathroom"
All those thoughts making you think how your not supposed to be here. Hating yourself more than ever. On the inside while that fake smile is still on.
Each class you manage to get through.
The day is finally over. The bus ride home is the worst. You just try to avoid it as much as possible.
You get home. You skip that after school snack that you used to look forward to everyday in 4th grade. You don't do your homework. You just sit there in silence staring at nothing.
Thinking.
Thinking of how you are going to kill yourself that night. Thinking bad thoughts. You run upstairs to try to cut. When your garage door opens you know exactly who it is. It's your best friend that's always been there for you. You throw on that fake smile and run back downstairs.
Hanging out with him with that smile on your face making him think your happy. While your really thinking of plans. That's all you ever do while with him.
When he finally leaves it's about 9pm.
You take off that fake smile and go to bed. You breakdown. You can't stop crying. You cry yourself to sleep knowing you'll never be good enough.
"Tomorrow is another day" yeah, another day of hell.
