rants → (003)

god is just laughing at me.

me: *constantly refers to ***** as 'girl that's rlly pretty and makes me wanna die' instead of crush because i'm trying my hardest to be emotionally invested in another straight girl*

me: *finally refers to ***** as crush*

god: haha now that this fucker is admiting she's whipped

let's make ***** have a boyfriend !1!1!!

me: *finds out less than 24 hours later that she has a boyfriend and literally has a crisis*

why ? who thought that was good idea ? i literally almost stopped myself from referring to her as 'crush' in that chapter yesterday and i knew it was gonna backfire but i was panicking too much to do anything else
fooking hell.
i almost cried ? idk what's going on my heart kinda hurts somebody help.

also that bi girl who fucks around with me when she's bored of whatever fuck boy she's fucking atm started sensing i'm trying not to involve myself with her toxic ass and started paying attention to me again ?

and a t tac ke d me with a hug today and was all affectionate like b-
that is my neck !
get your face out of there !
we don't do that anymore !
no no ! nuh uh !
you are not about to do that right now !
not in the middle of this hallway !
hEcKy nAw

(we read a poem about the phrase hEcKy nAw and i think it's absolutely hilarious i'm probably gonna use it wayy too much i'm so sorry)

and then to make me more unstable i'm seeing my best friend that i've lowkey had a crush on for years this weekend so that's fun.

today was messy as hell and ugly too. i'm done. i feel like god is just laughing at me at this point. like full out cackling. there's only 15 days left of school let's see if i can survive yeah ?

hope you had a better day than me :/ xx

also this book is almost over and i just do not have the time or energy to make a new one rn that means i gotta make a new cover and omfg i don't have tImE