I used to believe that I was confused, that this single mental aspect must have been left unchecked.
I love too easily. It's a problem, really. But I never really understood love the way most others do.
One day, for example,
I was at the mall with friend. Laughing, talking, sipping on Starbucks. We were just being us. Rachael had mentioned something about a guy standing across the fountain from us. "He's hot, oh my gosh." The girls started giggling but I didn't understand why it was so funny. Okay, so he has better skin, a nice new haircut. Is that what makes him "hot"?
After a while I could get along with them. I knew which guys and girls were considered hot, and I understood that some people find an urge to get to know a person based off of such appearances. I can understand when a boy or girl is "cute", sometimes it's literally in an adorable way, as their actions or facial expressions express something childlike. But there's also a cute that magnifies the way one is presented, their clothes, hair, and good skin can make them so-called "cute".
I got all that, but I still wondered why it was such a big deal. Why did they only consider 1/20 guy's hot when another guy looks similar except for his clothes.
As I reached High School and so forth, I began to research mental behaviors and how most people feel this attraction. It makes them sweaty, clammy even, makes their heart race or skip a beat, makes their blood pump a bit faster. They become self aware and it's just a mess from there. Seemed unhealthy, but somehow if all that feeling continued for the same person, on a daily basis, a person may live longer. Happiness. I guess that is the best way to describe such feelings.
It wasn't until recently I felt that happiness. It wasn't the same, but the symptoms were almost exact! It was when I spent the day talking to him.
Nothing about his looks or appearance set my heart on fire. It was when we began to bond. His words spinning through the chilled air. That's when I realized. Maybe I'm not a defect. Maybe I can fall in love too.
