Up in Flames

Chapter Two

I dedicated this to redvelvet8975, who is one of the most inspirational authors for me on wattpad. Check out her story A Game Worth Fighting For. It's amazing and beautifually written.  Congrats Maryam on making it so far on wattpad!!!!

Chapter Two

School starts today and I’m not excited. My best friend left last year.  I don’t know if I can call her my best friend. She was the only one who didn’t think I was a weirdo or a freak. I was left alone most of the time, now that I think about it. I never really noticed. I don’t miss her that much anymore. I’m not completely emotionless or anything. I just don’t show others what I feel. It’s better for everyone that way. No one has to worry about me. Well, why would they?

                    I woke up feeling heaviness in my chest. I couldn’t describe how I was feeling. I was angry and sad and a bunch of other things I couldn’t describe. It was a mix of emotions. But mostly, it was something vaguely familiar. I’ve felt it before. It was a sort of emptiness that used to hit me all the time. A feeling that told me that no one cared and there is no one left to save me from falling. I learned to block it out before. I’ll do it again. No big deal. That feeling of emptiness comes from the hope that someone cares and realizing no one does. But for me hope is dead and has been for years.

                    I dragged myself off my bed and headed to my shower. I freshened up and put on my uniform. They changed the uniform again, I noticed. This year, it consisted of a navy blazer, a knee-length white button up, and khakis. Horrible matching skills. I looked at myself in the mirror. I practiced smiling. No matter how hard I tried it just didn’t seem natural. I gave up and turned my attention to my hair. I decided that I needed to straighten it. It was only long enough to reach beneath my ears and since it was curly it stuck out everywhere. I couldn’t put it in a pony and with my curly hair, straightening would be the best option.

                    After straightening my hair and examining myself in the mirror about 100 times, I went downstairs to see my mom sitting at the table drinking her daily cup of tea. She got up and walked next to me. “You look nice,” she said, sarcastically. “Please don’t make me feel worse than I already do in this outfit,” I replied. She was not helping my mood right now.

“No, seriously. Your hair is pretty. You should grow it out though. Okay, anyway, what I wanted to tell you was that I know your sad that your dad killed your laptop and-“

“I don’t want to talk about that,” I said quickly. I didn’t want to have another fit today.

“Can you just listen?” she asked, obviously annoyed. “My company just gave me a promotion and you know what comes with that? A free laptop!”

“So you want to, like, give it to me?” I asked, a little confused. My mom thinks the same as my dad of my interest in music. This was weird. Why would she take my side this time?

“Why not? I don’t need another laptop. Mine works fine.”

                    Without thinking I gave her a hug. “Hey! You’re smiling! For real this time! Do you love your laptop that much?” she asked.

That was not the reason I was smiling. I was smiling because I figured that she must love me to do this for me. She loved me. She cared about me. Someone did. And the reason I was angry in the first place was that nobody trusted me. No one cared what I felt. Not just because my laptop broke.

                    I took the bus to school. I didn’t want to be in the same car as my brothers so they could ruin the mood. I sat alone in a three-seater but something inside me felt that I didn’t want to sit alone. That my moment of happiness would fade away because of solitude. There was only one solution to my internal conflict: Music. I took out my phone, put the playlist on shuffle, and put in both ear buds to block out the world.