I just posted a photo of my baby boys feet on Instagram, and I decided to get up and go sit on the couch to think about the events that have happened in my life.
let me start from the beginning,
When Jack and I hit our 3 year anniversary , we did something reckless. It's not like we hadn't had sex before, we had been together for 3 years. And this not counting the times before Jack and I started dating. It's just that this time it was without a condom.
Jack had been talking about how he wanted a baby for the past year and this time we thought we were ready. After a night of candles and rose petals, it happened. I was pregnant. Jack was the happiest I've ever seen him.
Flashback to that morning
I woke up to the sun shining through the curtains in Jacks bedroom. I looked at the ceiling and then at Jack. He had his back turned to me and he was sound asleep, his tan toned back was just enough to make me want to marry him. I quietly got out of bed and stood on the hardwood floor, I was wearing one of Jacks shirts that fell just below my ass cheeks. I tied my hair up into a messy bun and walked into the bathroom. I grabbed a pregnancy test from under the sink and I did what you're supposed to do with one, I pissed on the stick and I waited. About 5 minutes later I looked at the stick and it read "positive". A while wave of emotions went through my body. I couldn't feel my fingers because I was so excited to be carrying the love of my life's baby. I was originally gonna wait to do a cute pregnancy announcement, but my entire mind went blank and I couldn't contain my excitement. I opened the door to the bathroom and walked into Jacks bedroom where he was still sound asleep. That's when I just sent it.
I walked back over to the bed and got under the covers. I shook jack to wake him up.
"Good morning baby" I said while playing with his hair
"Morning" he replied in his groggy morning voice
"Here" I said handing him the pregnancy test.
I watched him look at it confused then his face went blank, his eyes started to get glossy and that's when he looked at me
"Babe are you serious?"
"Yeah" I said inaudible as tears were running down my face
Just then he grabbed me and started hugging me and rolling around.
"god thank you. thank you god" he said while kissing my stomach.
End of flashback
Jack and I took this blessing as more than a blessing. We went to Nebraska to show his parents, we showed our baby off everywhere.
And now we can't. Jack has been different ever since I lost it, since I lost him.
Jack was in the studio and when I called him that I was in the hospital, but he couldn't leave, and when he did get the chance to leave, LA traffic got in the way. I delivered a 7 month old baby boy, on July 8th 2018 at 6:30 pm. I slept by my baby in the nicu until he let go, on July 9th 2018 at 8:30 pm. I still didn't know where Jack was. But all I know is that our baby was gone. We hadn't even thought of names. I had finally gone home and leads to now.
I'm sitting on my couch looking out the window at downtown Los Angeles. I decided to post a picture of my baby's feet with a caption "you would've loved him". I kept reading everyone's comments, they were just saying that they were sorry and everything is going to be okay. And then I saw Jacks, he didn't even know it was a boy. He never came to the hospital to even see. Just then I heard a knock on my door. I walked to the door and opened it, it was Jack.
"You didn't tell me" he sniffled
"Didn't tell you what?" I said while crossing my arms
"That our baby was a little boy" He blinked as a tear slid down his cheek
"I guess I forgot" I responded straight faced
"Caleb, I'm so sorry" Jack said while touching my stomach.
I just grabbed the back of Jacks neck and hugged him tightly, He instantly hugged back and I felt him cry into my shoulder.
We walked over to the couch and I laid down, Jack laid on top of me with his head on my chest and he drifted off to sleep. I started running my fingers through his hair while my other arm was resting on his head.
