Bumps

Fuck people

Sometimes I feel like everything is my fault like I killed her like I could've stopped it I told Ali and Emily but they said you didn't know she was gonna do it I could have stopped it I knew she was hurting I knew she was cutting I knew she was depressed but their I was not doing anything because I'm a stupid dumb selfish bitch if I just died all of my pain would go away but it would cause others so much more pain but I can't help but feel like dying is my best choice but I don't want to kill myself but I want to die does that make sense I wish I could get in a car accident or something so I could just let go of all the pain I've lost everything and I've spent the last 3 yrs of my life trying to put it back together but there still a tiny missing piece that I can't seem to find did I also mention I hate who I've become I'm a complete and utter bitch and I fucking hate it but what can you do right? 3 yrs ago I was a normal girl who was put through too much at once and now I'm just the damaged goods nobody wants. No wonder when I like a boy and tell him because I have bigger balls than he does he just goes and doesn't talk to you for months and when you try and talk to him he  doesn't respond like the fucking little bitch that he is! Why does everyone and everything have to be so fucking complicated like fuck you god what the fuck did I ever do to you to deserve the fucking shit you put me through you goddamn asshole! If you know anyone that has severe depression or has lost a love one do me a favor don't tell them it gets better it doesn't life's a fucking shit hole that your stuck in until you die it's been 3 yrs and I've already tried to kill myself 5 times and I've been in a mental hospital for a long ass time but as you can see by these words i still say fuck life and fuck everyone who doesn't listen to you. I don't cut because then my parents can see it but I do try to suffocate my self every night before I go to bed thinking maybe this will be it this will be the end but I wake up the next day and shit I'm still fucking her in this shit hole. I grew up in a pretty fucked up house actually apartment never lived in a house before to poor my dad and mom would beat the shit out of each other and then feel bad because my sister and I didn't get beat so they took out the wooden spoons,belts and of course who could forget the cigarette burns! My dad cheated on my mom constantly and then beat her when he came home and then beat us then in 2014 my sister finally decides she had enough of the billing of the abuse and of everything so she killed her self right before I got home to see her lying there dead It just hurts and erks me how could she leave me her with those monsters you would think after loosing one daughter they'd be nicer to the other one but to them this is my fault she was my best friend, sister my rock the only person I could talk to but instead of me talking about my problems it should have been her. There was no note just a book the school gave her about managing anxiety fuck you you piece of fucking shit how could you just give her a book when she came to you asking for help I fucking hate everyone my parents think this is just a faze I've tried to kill my self 5 times and you have nothing to say other than this is just a faze I'm such a fucking retard I don't even know how to kill myself right.

Sorry for the rant but gotta get shit off your chest you know also I'm not gonna push you to vote but if you think it's good vote or leave comments I'd love to here your stories